Sai and Ryl: Not A Love Story

There are people who come to our lives, they stayed and within a flinch they leave like dust. Pero hindi ko naman masisisi ang tao kung bakit nila, niya nagagawa yun. They have their choices, and sometimes, if you interfere... they tend to be hesitant about many things.

This is the a letter that I wanted to give, here I want to talk about everything, starting from the beginning. Age 17.

Dear Sai,

When we first met, all were blooming flowers. I never did expected that I'll feel that much of love. You came to my life and gave the brightest colors to it, at that point, at that time, I thought of you as everything.

You treated me the way that I ever wanted to be treated. You made me realize that I am such worth more than the pain that I am suffering from the every minute. But not all, were bright, not all of the time there'll be a sun that will sun bright. There's also glooms day!

I want to start from the beginning. You were the first to approached me... or so I thought. I was really the one that started everything, unexpectedly. I came to your life with a smile, with full of grace and happiness because that's what I wanted everyone to believe.

I wanted them to believe that I am capable of something, even though I am suffering from something that is highly... something hard to explain.

Anyways,

I came to your life and you gladly accepted it. We were happy, we spent time, we gave assurances, we have wrapped it all up.

We were good, we were the best!

Pero there are times na hindi natin maiwasan na hindi magaway. We fought for hours and hours... we tend to overthink! And when I experienced it, when I saw it, I never knew that you were someone that would be more fragile, more fragile than me,

and I don't want to see that, I don't want to see you... hurting! I don't want to see you suffering, and because of it...

I tended to be not who I really am!

I started to get scared that... if I were mad, if I were able to do something that could upset you and made you overthink again and again. It would break me!

So, I came up! Stood for myself, independently!

And assured you that, I won't... I tried to lessen. I tried to stop... so that I won't break you! And it's fine by me, I was great. I was doing great at first, I stood and handled everything that comes between us.

I cried but never did I broke! I stayed!

And I believed what you said, what you promised! You once said, "I'll always be there!"

But...

A day came! That I can't handle it anymore.

My trauma came back, and it was very unbearable!

I wanted to get back to your arms but, I can't. Because I should remain strong because that is the image that I plotted inside of you, that is what I should be doing! Be fine all the time! But I am not, that time... I was the one suffering.

It was suffocating me.

Hindi ko kinakaya, and I was barely, I was barely doing things. But... instead of getting my pahinga from you... you have seen it as something that it's from you. Blamed me from something that I haven't done!

It broke me!

Because... you were the first that should understand. I expected you to understand my situation yet, it took you a day to understand what's going on! And during those times, I tend to understand even though I'm disappointed. I understood your situation, your past, everything that you are meddling with.

So, I tend to became strong again!

I had no one but myself.

You were there but, I was being mindful of you!

I am broken, I am suffering but despite... I choose to be strong!

We came back to each others arms, after a huge disaster, we fought and we stayed to each other but never became stronger. We stayed the same as it was after the fight.

To worsen, I lost many things!

You were disappointed, and it broke me!

I was a failure.

I failed you!

Until one day, we talked... about someone because I started to doubt many things, and truly that my feelings changed. And as likely, you expected it! You knew!

I tried to stop it... I tend to stop it. But I can't let myself lie to you! I told you everything upon how my feelings have changed, sadly, you didn't believe me!

There I left. Breaking my promises. Breaking your heart. I'm sorry for all the damaged that I have done to you.

- Ryl

The moon still waits for the stars! I love you, Mia Luna! You were the right thing in the wrong time. The right song with a wrong ryhme.