Maan Scene Stories (Anupama)

6

There was a time during our college days when Anuj looked at me and saw his wife and I didn't know it, now his chiseled smile would bring back those memories of my college days. Somehow I remembered him from such a deep and buried past when he made it back into my life during the hardest time. He exuded the same energy and charisma. I was taken aback of the emotions of closeness I felt for him at first sight after a long 26 year passage of time. It was a possessing sense of pull. I looked up to him, not economically but spiritually. He was patient, dignified, handsome...very naughty but innocent.

That's 'how' I fell in love with him.

His touch...and his love for chocolate, how can I forget and I always wondered where it all started. He would scoop a whole gooey chocolate fudge and the most sensuous moans will escape his mouth, his tongue swirling for the bits at the corner of his lips. It got me breathless...

No, no, no scratch all that. I jiggle the pen over the last part. Pheeww! Someone would have read that.

I peeled the next page, tips of my index and thumb finger wet off my saliva.

Although,

I mistook his gestures as friendly and caring instead of one of pure love. It costed us too much time apart in addition to the 26 years he had waited for me. He tried. I won't take that away from him. He gave me time and space to process, to feel, to know, to want him. To understand his intentions before he scared me away unintentionally.

That's 'why' I fell in love with him.

He was patient enough even when he should not at times. I'm mad at why he couldn't just make me his at the earliest, why he couldn't gatecrash the wedding so we'd both find ourselves eloping to the mountains, or village, probably another country. I don't know and I no longer bother. But he cared. He cared enough to ask. Ask me how my day was. How I was feeling. He searched within my soul. He was precious...He is precious.

I draw in a lungful. Taking in the serenity of the scene in front of me. Dangling my emotions over the balcony to the shrubs, lavender, hibiscus and green grass of our backyard. I take another lungful before pressing my pen inking the third page of this small diary.

"It's supposed to be therapeutic" I chant under my breath reminiscing on Devika's words which specifically went along the lines:

"Anupama, why don't you pin down your thoughts? Whatever comes to your mind about yours and Anuj's relationship. Whatever you like the most about him, you pin it down. Why, how and where you fell in love. Maybe, just maybe that way you'll find an inspiration on how you are going to plan for his birthday surprise party. Trust me. It's therapeutic".

It was countless occasions, at the celebrations at my old Marital house, at his house or just over the phone. The feeling was like tucking a pen in your ear and turn into a fool looking over for it in your desk, your bag, under the table and only later you'll realise you had tucked it over your ear and then you'll feel guilty, smack yourself on your forehead and vow to never do it again, but guess what? You do it all over again. That's how it was like with him. He'd touch me, caress me, fight for me and lose it all and I could not figure it out. His love was there all along infront of me yet I kept on looking at places far from him. But he stood still, waited for me to act all crazy, to act all foolish with hopes that I come back and claim what I deserve. Him.