No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (Loki Fanfiction)

To Leah

When Loki went to Leah's room that night to leave her another rose he found the letter she had written for him, he was surprised and doubted if he should take it, what could it say that they hadn't said before, why prolonged their pain? But wasn't that what he was doing? He resisted leaving her, he was so consumed with guilt he felt compelled to make it up to her somehow, even if that only meant leaving a rose for her every night. Whatever she had to say to him he wanted to know, even if it only meant more pain, he had to know.

Once back at his hideout Loki sat in an armchair holding the letter in his hands, he was still debating with himself about reading it or not, suddenly he toss it over the coffee table in front of him, got up and left to his room. A couple of minutes afterwards he returned for it, he growl in frustration as he picked it up and walk back to his bedroom.

-This is a bad idea. - He told himself as he unfolded the letter sitting down in his bed.

-"Loki, my love ... really Leah?! –He raised his eyebrows amused, she'd never used that kind of pet name ever before. As he kept reading a wide range of emotions ran through his face, surprise, disbelief, guilt and suddenly joy, he stop reading for a moment as he let the idea sank in –"A daughter!"-, he got back to the letter; the emotions on his face kept changing anger, sadness and even glee at her final note. But over all of them reigned yearning, the kind of yearning that makes your heart ache and keeps it beating at the same time, the one you will only recognize if you ever loved in excess.

As he finished reading it he lay back on his bed thinking deeply as he stared at the ceiling, why did he still resisted the urge to go meet her, was there really no hope for them? She had practically begged him to be at her side when their daughter were to be born, and nothing would make him happier than grating her such request, then why didn't he?

-"I don't deserve her"- he thought as he closed his eyes –"I know she loves me, but why is beyond my comprehension, it would be on her best interest to forget me, even if by doing that she'd break my heart, I would deserve it. The weight of my sins have finally caught up with me, why can't I make her understand that there is no happy ending with me."

 Then it hit him. –"I got to make her understand, and she just gave me a way. I got to write her back, but not tonight I'm too tired and I need to think, I don't want to hurt her, I just want to ... -he yawned, he was indeed exhausted"- to change her mind, to stop wishing what'll never happen."-

It was midday when he finally woke up, he'd slept with his clothes on, he drowsily walked to the bathroom to empty his bladder, as he washed his hands he took a look at himself in the mirror, at times like these he thought that the fact that he couldn't grew a bear as a blessing, it would only add to his already shabby looking condition. –"I need to take a bath."- He mentally told himself while he undressed.

As the warm water hit him he relished in it, the sound of the water drops was comforting somehow; for a peaceful moment he forgot everything and just concentrated on the calming sound as he bathed until his heart betrayed him reminding him of Leah, all through the months they've been apart his longing for her played tricks on his mind making him imagine her everywhere, right now he was absorbed picturing her bathing with him. Water running through her hair soaking it, her exposed neck as she leaned her head back as she washed her hair, water drops running through her chest travelling down her breasts and further down to ...

-Stop it! - He shouted at himself irritated –How am I supposed to convince her ...that I can't be with her, when I can't even convince myself? - He punched the bathroom wall in both anger and despair as tears rolled down his cheeks while he leaned into the wall he whispered –I just can't stop loving her ... I just can't...-