Chapter 1

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Life happens. Shit happens. And it happens a lot and sometimes all at once. One of the billions of people in the world that bad stuff happens to is Harleen Quinzel. Life has not been kind to her ever since childhood, really. Abuse, bullying, and mental instability of all kinds have wrapped their arms around her torso like one of Ivy's plants and have held on for eternity.

It's interesting how all it takes is a second, and your whole life can get turned upside down with a snap of the fingers, a blink of an eye, or in her case, a well-timed joke. Except it's not as easy as it looks to fall into a life of crime--- to turn bad. All things evil start from innocence, and once that innocence is lost, it goes to hell in a handbasket, zero to sixty in under three seconds.

And when Harley thinks about wicked things, she's reminded of her favorite movie, The Wizard of OZ. The Wicked Witch of the West--- there's a lady who's an interesting profile for psychoanalysis, which Harley enjoys on rare occasions. The first time the girl ever watched the film, she was intrigued by the green woman. So many questions flooded her mind: how did she turn green? Where did she get those flying monkeys, and most importantly, how did she turn wicked?

Looking back over her own life, Harley can understand how the witch turned green, especially if Joker is anything to go by. The flying monkeys are nothing but henchmen, which are easy to come across. Any moron can be manipulated and become nothing but another monkey. As for being wicked...

Well, that's a story in itself. Harley supposes it's something like this... When goodness removes itself from your life, the vacated space corrupts and becomes filled with something else. That something else is evilness, and maybe it splits apart and multiplies, sort of like personalities. But that's not all because evil is an act, not an appetite.

Harley is sure that many people who have been bullied or abused have wanted to gouge the eyes out of their abuser. Everyone has a hunger for it. That's normal. It's what you do with those feelings that make it wicked. And the thing is, no one controls your destiny. Even at the worst times, there is always a choice because choice is a fundamental human right--- insane or not.

While she can't speak for the Wicked Witch, she can speak for herself. Looking back on the time spent with Mistah J puts Harley in a place where she can say she chose to feed the crazy. Or rather, he decided to feed off of it. Both were wrong. The man was brilliant, though, even from the very start. Cunning and wicked and genius, more so than Nygma, even when he beat the hell out of her. Every. Damn. Day.

At some point, a person realizes, is abuse all you were made for? Is living inside the crazy and allowing it to control you what's best? For a long time, it was, and that was all Harley wanted. It's who she was and the life she chose to live, and the Princess of Crime lived it to the best of her ability. Her sacrifices of mind, body, and spirit were worth it to have the attention and affection of the Clown Prince. That was everything until it wasn't.

Maybe it was one beating to the head too many or one more cut on the body that did it, but slowly Harley woke up. Like really woke up and took stock of her life. It was hard to tell what her weapons were, even while holding her hammer. Like the Wicked Witch, she has henchmen, a weird skin coloration thing going on, and also, like the woman, Harley has some killer shoes.

Then another similarity emerged from the mess in her mind. Same as this green gal, Harley's life is spent obsessing. While the witch wanted ruby shoes for more power, she wanted affection and belonging. Although she's not magical, Harley does have power. But that's much easier to obtain than hold on to, and it rarely pans out how you want it to go. Cause see, here's the thing, her authority is only from riding the coattails of Joker.

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