what happens if UCONN's most popular basketball player finds herself searching for one person in the crowd?
Jules knew who she was and what she wanted and when she gets offered a spot on the media team for UCONN's women's basketball team she takes...
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paige
present september 2022; narrative + article
I fucked up, majorly. It's been weeks since I last saw Jules, when her gorgeous eyes filled with tears. At first I felt fine. I felt like it was the right decision for me, until I finally reached a major turning point in my recovery. I realized that it wasn't anyone's fault, not even my own so me stomping on everyone around me was just me being an ass.
I pushed everyone away. My girlfriend, my family and my friends until I started to do my rehab. I realized people were just trying to help me. They wanted me to be at my best and be healthy whether that be on or off the court. That's all Jules wanted for me too. I'm surprised she stuck by my side through all the harsh comments, or even when I would ignore her. All she wanted was to help.
I started reading the books Jules always told me about. I found the Kobe Bryant quotes she tried to use to inspire me. I talked to my teammates who went through the same injuries. All the good ideas she had that I just crushed in front of her.
Jules never showed up to practice after that day, I mean technically she wasn't expected to but when classes started we all figured she would. I hadn't even managed to steal a glance at her in between classes. It's like she just disappeared. And her ignoring us led to the team interrogating me, and believe me when I finally spit it out they all started yelling. Some of them still haven't talked to me. I understood their frustration. Jules was an angel. Everyone loved her and we all grew to love her like family. When we got together I was warned not to fuck up because of how protective they grew over the girl.
I knew they went to check on her, and even hung out with her. I didn't expect them to pick sides but what killed me is that they wouldn't tell me anything about her. No matter how much I pleaded to know how she was doing they wouldn't budge. I deserved it. I made a choice.
Every night my finger dangled over her contact, just wishing to hear her voice. I wanted to apologize to her and tell her all the things I never got to. All the things I pushed aside because I was angry at the world. I didn't want to be taken away from basketball, the thing I loved most but I was and I took that anger out on the one good thing in my life. She was the one stable thing. She cared about me, it didn't go unnoticed by anyone how much she looked after me once I got injured. I noticed, I never thanked her for it.
I never got to tell her I loved her. It sat on the tip of my tongue all the time. I wanted to say it but I was scared. I was scared to mess things up with her but now I managed to make it worse. I pushed her away, far enough that I can't even think of how to fix it. What if I've lost her forever? I couldn't be mad if I did, I couldn't believe I managed to walk away from her that day.
When I walked out I stood by the door for a few seconds, already regretting my decision. I heard her sobs and I felt sick knowing that she was crying because of me I promised myself that I would never make her cry. Not only did I make her cry but I walked away from it too, I let her cry.
