𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎

𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚒𝚗

Lace curtains dance in the wind and muted blue light flickers over the two boys. The night was still, dark, and subtle, sending a light breeze into David's room. The warm air washes over Exer, and his eyes flutter to the window. Nothing new, he thinks. He hasn't fallen asleep yet.

His head thumps back against the pillow. David is still pressed against his side, arm sprawled across his chest. The weight of his head resting just over Exer's heart, he stares at David's hair, fair and golden and laying in perfect ringlets on the surface. He brings up his hand to touch it and brush sun-sunken fingers through the strands but he stops himself. He doesn't want to wake him. David needed sleep, the bags under his eyes and the solemn marks on his face practically told Exer he was begging for it.

He still finds it strange that he notices that stuff, the untold messages on David's smile lines, or the questions his hands ask when they twitch. He's never been this close with anyone, ever, not even his father. He's never felt drowned in affection when his past girlfriends told him about their day, he hasn't cared enough. Not like with David, because David is different.

Obviously, with the whole being a guys thing.

But it's more than that, David is golden. He's always been golden to Exer. Someone so irrevocably loving and sterling and so fucking gorgeous. He knows David so well it almost hurts, he knows his immature quips and shaky grins. He knows his laugh and the color of his eyes in the dark or the way his Converse sounds against the dirt. Exer knows his favorite flowers and constellations. He knows his breath, sprung loose from his lips.

And I know his lips, Exer blushes to himself, biting onto the left side of his cheek. He's always known David, ever since they were little, so he still can't believe he'd never realized his feelings sooner.

He thinks back to David's words three weeks ago,

I don't want you guys to think I'm broken.

But Exer would never think that. David is as whole as they come, even with an abhorrent excuse of a father. And the truth is that even if David says he's fine and that he doesn't care anymore,

Exer still does.

That's the root of it. That's why he hasn't been able to give it up.

Exer dreams about the feeling of his fist against Willaim's face, transferring the hurt he put in David's eyes back onto him. He wishes he would've just punched him when he had him pinned on the floor. He knows that wouldn't heal anything, but he can still dream.

David twitches under his arms, his breath turned ragged and worn, and Exer snaps his attention down to him. He doesn't dare move for fear of waking him. David stills and Exer thinks it's over, but incoherent murmurs escape David's lips. They sound like light vibrations, getting lost in Exer's chest.

"David?" Exer whispers, testing his consciousness. No response.

David's head quivers, turning to the side.

"Stop," he says into the air, "no- stop."

Exer shifts his weight, bringing his hand up to David's shoulder. He doesn't know what to do, or how to help.

Am I supposed to wake him up? Or is that bad?

"Please," David whimpers, "Please stop,"

Exer breaks, the sorrow in David's voice tugs at his heartstrings. He wants to stop his suffering and ease all his pain.

Fuck what do I do?

David's body shivers despite the mellow weather, Exer yanks the comforter over him.

"I'm sorry," David mumbles, barely audible, "Dad I'm sorry," his fingers clutching Exer's arm, holding on. His eyes are screwed shut, trapped in torment.

David jolts upward, breathless and gasping, finally escaping the memory. His hands feel around in the dark for something safe, something secure.

He finds Exer.

Exer breathes cleanly and smoothly out his nose as if to pace David's own panicked breath.

"Shhh- It's okay," he soothes, pressing cool palms over his skin, resting his hands on the nape of David's neck, his back, bringing him forward.

"I'm- I'm sorry," David snivels, repeating the apology, this time to a different audience.

Exer grabs his face, fingers parting behind his ear and into his hair.  His movements are slow and gentle, always gentle.

David looks up at him, eyes wet, blue, and pale like watercolor. He blinks and the tears collecting on his lashes glint on his skin.

"No," Exer says, "Don't be sorry, you never have to be sorry." His voice is firm but tender.

"Never with me, okay?"

David lets out one last trembling breath. Shutting his eyes against the sudden sting of tears, he tilts his head up, his jaw is slack and craved by moonlight.

Beautiful, Exer thinks. He's beautiful.

Tell him, the voice inside says, Tell him you love him.

And when David opens his eyes there is something new inside them. They are filled with glossy determination. His mouth is pressed flat, lips curving downward.

"Okay," David says finally.

What's wrong with you? Why can't you tell him? He berates himself.

Truthfully; Exer doesn't know how, his mouth feels dry and empty and words can't seem to form. He feels like he's drowning. Tell him, you idiot.

"Kiss me," David says, and the forwardness shocks him, but David is serious. The lines of his face are pulled taut and still, he looks like a marble statue. Exer finally understands his determination, his will to make a bad night turn better.

So Exer listens and kisses him, again and again. Pressing the words, I love you, I love you, I love you into his lips, praying that David can hear. The taste of David's tears are on his tongue when he pulls back, he washes mellow kisses over his neck, his collar. I love you, I love you, please god know that I love you.

And when their lips re-connect, soft, red, and inviting, he knows that David understands. 

. . . . . . . . .

After they've pulled apart, gasping for air, re-learning each other's breaths, they lay back on David's bed. The weight of sleep pressing down on them.

Exer fumbles for David's hand.

I love you, he says, giving a small squeeze.

And when their fingers interlock, pale palms against bronzed, he's certain David is saying it back.

Notes:

Comments and suggestions are appreciated! I'm running out of ideas lol