I'm Fucking Lonely

8 July ,2023

Morning starts with papa waking me up so that we can go to the park for morning walk and exercise as usual.

To be honest, I didn't feel like getting up today and was feeling very sleepy. So I said i'll not go today.
After that fell asleep again.

And I got up straight at 7:30 a.m. My brother who was picking me up said get up, I am going to take bath, so you prepare my breakfast.
I got up as soon as he picked up me And went straight to the kitchen,

that too without freshing up myself. Otherwise, he gets late for going to our shop.
After that I quickly fed my fishes, it seems that due to my getting up late today, It was going to get everyone's lunch late. 

Then I brushed my teeth and in the meantime my brother had also come by taking shower.
I cooked food for him and then also cooked and ate for myself.
After that i gave tea and biscuits to momy of without sugar so that she can take her medicines.

Actually mummy has high blood sugar disease.

All these things happened,
I started doing my housework, along with I saw that the weather is changing. I told my mother,

Momy- Momy ,
Listen -listen
It's going to rain soon.

Actually, I love rain, I feel calm in rain, and most importantly, rain is good at hiding tears.

I can say that I'm a Pluviophile (
a lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days)

So she said that it was raining in the morning too, that's why we did not go for morning walk. I was shocked because I was regretting that today I showed laziness and didn't go.
It was relieved to hear bcs I was thinking without any reason it's not good to be lazy but reality is no one had gone today.

I thought it was good I kept sleeping cuz even if i had got up, No one would've been able to go?

After that I quickly finished all the household chores and lay down on the bed to rest and use my phone and watched Instagram reels.

Then mummy came and lay down beside me and she started talking about all the family issues including brother, father, married sister , me and herself also from which I was totally worried.
And I was replied just be saying

Hmm hmm hmm ......

Because now I like to remain silent, I do not speak much like  used to before because in the end everyone will consider me as a fool.
It seems to me that no one wants to listen to me.

And this is the principle of my life that I say just a single word from my mouth where I feel that the person in front really wants to listen to me.
Otherwise, it is okay for me to remain silent and then and now I don't feel like talking to anyone,
I just keep getting stucked in my own mood swings.

                   TIME PASSED

Mumy said me to go and take a bath,
I picked up my phone in my hand and took out clothes from the cupboard, started going to the bathroom while playing sad songs playlist on phone on Spotify.

I love taking bath while listening to songs, I know that taking the phone to the bathroom and playing songs is risky.
There are many cases in which it is known that due to radiation was born from phone and people die.

But maybe that's what i want , A Natural death of mine as soon as possible. Bcs i don't want to be called a coward by committing suicide.

         ... AFRER 15 MINUTES ...

I showered, Came out, applied lotion on my body, combed my long hairs and went for computer classes which are around of One to one n half hour.

I came back home and with writing so much , Now i'm hungry so I am leaving

You also go and have your lunch
I will not share my food 😒