Emotions

Chapter one: my past

The date was December...yes it was December...on a snowy winter day right on the date of 23...the day my mother died...oh yes...it was such a lovely day...
Blood seeped through my ruffled, dirtied clothes, wounds opened up my bare body flesh.
A mother screaming at the top of her lungs with blood shot eyes and messy hair, her clothes wrinkled, her voice completely hoarse, unable to control her emotions she yelled.
A father sitting on the ground not caring about the world, beer bottles laid on the grounds beside him, his formal attire stained by my blood and dirtied by my clothes "shut up!!"
I heard his immobile yell..his echo bounced around the little room, my eyes slowly opened up just enough to take a small peek at the dark living hell of a room.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF A HELLISH LIFE I HAD EN-"
A crack and a slump..can you guess what happened?
Looking just enough for a drop of blood to drip down from my eyelid, my mother was laying on the floor..blood formed a puddle into a pond...a little lake of blood traveled down the wooden ground onto my toes staining the sock with fresh new blood. I half did a cracked smile enduring the flaming pain and my eyeball went to look again finding blood from one of the beer bottles and a man who failed to stood straight dropped onto his legs and cried......my last vision of my childhood...age: 7
"Be-......bee-.....beep....beep"
"Hur-.....sh-.......die..."
My ears wouldn't budge anymore they couldn't hear any better then I could twitch.."die"....that word would take my life away almost instantly but Hades wasn't there to take me away even thought I wished for it....I wished for myself to die yet..why can't I die? Why is life so cruel for me? Why can't they even for fill a wish? I begged for it, I tried dying for it...but why wouldn't it come?
"Beep.....beep...beep"
My heart.....do I even have one? My life was an open book but whoever reads it seem to earn themselves pain and death as well...I want to laugh but I could not...my body was frozen still won't even budge for me, what does pain feel like? Pain is a great word filled with uncontrollable anger, hate...what else can you think of? Do you only think of pain as if falling off your bike or having a bone of yours cracked? Then you understand nothing..those aren't real pain...pain...PAIN...they are harsher much more cruel...cruel...yes that is the perfect word...
"Beep...beep...beep"
I slowly opened my eyes flashing in front of the dimly lighted room...are those... docs? Those imbeciles!!! CANT THEY SEE I WANT TO DIE?! I want to die! I want to die! For hellish sakes! I want to die not live once again to be treated with the same cruelty! WHAT CAN ANYONE DO?! Pity? Is that the only thing they can have for me? WHAT ABOUT DEATH? Give me death and I WOULD SPARE YOUR LIFE....as if...I can't even kill a inch worm..how can I even kill a human being...I'm cruel...I'm cruel!
"Sh-...wak-.....up!!" One of the docs called, his face masked with white
Coughing up blood I felt myself loosing consciousness, I lost too much....way to much....closing my eyes I felt myself deep in the darkest oceans..drowning..yes drowning
Day: December 25