isaiah
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i woke up to sanyiah giggling at tiktoks and amira playing with her toys. it makes me wonder how life would be if we actually did have a kid.. but anyways, i kissed sanyiah while getting out of the bed, getting ready to go downstairs when i hear amira in the background trying to run to catch up to me. i told her to go back in the room and that i'll be up in a few minutes. she pouted but she complied and ran back to my room. when i went downstairs, i saw reggie and my mom and i greeted them both. i texted ny asking if she wanted me to bring any food up.
me
hey, you want sum to eat?
my baby ❤️
just some bacon and toast
me
okay, can you ask mira what she wants?
my baby ❤️
she said she wants unicorn pancakes?
me
smh😂
alr, ima be up in like 10 minutes
my baby❤️
okay thank you baby
me
of course
i started making breakfast for me and ny while making conversation with my mom. she asked if i told ny about what's been going on with me. i told her the truth, that i didn't get a chance.
i started working on the eggs when i heard amira giggling loudly and sanyiah's faint voice. i smiled at the sound. i finished up with me and sanyiah's breakfast when i started working on amira's. it was some frozen pancakes with some bacon and fruit. i started making my way upstairs, bringing in amira's table from her room so she can sit and eat. me and sanyiah sat on my bed. i turned on some cartoons for amira to watch while she ate since her ipad was downstairs. after we were all done, amira went downstairs to go bother mom and reggie so me and sanyiah finally had alone time. she helped me clean up amira's toys and such then i decided it was time to tell her.
sanyiah
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after me and isaiah finished cleaning up amira's toys, he sat me down and told me we needed to talk. i was getting scared because i didn't know if this meant break up or what. then he started speaking.
so i haven't been feeling okay.. and i'm not sure what this feeling is but it is really familiar. a few years ago, i had overdosed on oxycontin in an attempt to kill myself. this happened after my dad got deployed again. i wasn't okay, didn't know how to handle it. my mom put me in NA and i got clean but i was still depressed. saw a psychiatrist and got diagnosed with depression. i was on antidepressants for a while and i became groggy and unstable. once i felt like i was okay, i stopped taking them. my mom helped me ween off the pills so my body didn't go through withdrawal and i kept it a secret. i been feeling that feeling again, not that i wanna yk, kill myself but i just been falling into a deep depressive state and it's been fucking me up. last night i cried for the first time in 5 years and my mom asked if i wanted to start taking my meds again and i told her no. not until the season is over. i didn't tell you because i didn't want you to worry. kaiser and jaiden don't know either. im sorry.
i had to take a minute to process what i just heard because like .. wow..
isaiah.. why didn't you tell me.. i've known you since we were 4 years old.
i just couldn't .. i didn't know how
i'm sorry
i could see his eyes starting to water and it broke me.
