Perfect by Design

38: Luca James

Schyanne

"It's your favorite song." TBH by PARTYNEXTDOOR is playing through the speaker in the bathroom. I laugh a little, humming the words.

Kai joins me in the shower, which isn't anything new. The water crashes into my front as I feel his warmth on my back. He leans forward, kissing my shoulder, which I quickly shrug away from.

We've been in New York for five days now, and all I can think about is how my stomach filled with butterflies when I felt Luca's hand in mine. We've held hands plenty of times before, but I can't put into words how much that moment rocked me to my core.

Maybe the moment, in general, was just overwhelming. The way Luca swapped out the eggs on Gigi's plate for the breakfast potatoes on his. It was easy and natural—like they'd been together forever. And I tried to hide how much it bothered me, but I couldn't. I can't make sense of any of this.

"You alright, babe? You've been a little off since we got to New York." Kai begins to massage my shoulders. He's a dream; he really is. The problem is that lately, he isn't the face in my dreams.

Ollie is my friend. Friend. I say it in my head a few more times because right now, that's the only truth I can give life to. I have Kai. Kai is good. More importantly, I can see now that Gigi likes Luca. She's not willing to admit it, but I know her. I know him. Friends.

"It's just been a strange trip." It's the most factual answer I can give him without this turning into the world's worst shower ever.

"No kidding. I think Luca might actually be pretty serious about Gianna. And an even bigger surprise is her being serious about him. Everyone thought it was only a matter of time until she took Andrew back."

She was never taking Andrew back. I knew that. Her falling for Luca, that I never saw coming. How could I completely misread this situation?

"They're quite the surprise," I mumble.

Kai... Kai is the partner you dream up as a little girl. He's kind and sensitive. He makes you laugh effortlessly. He's what your parents want for you. And with him, you're unbelievably happy—content. And in his presence, you have the soft thoughts of the house with the dog and the two kids.

And then I find myself in the same space as Luca. He makes so much sense that it makes no sense at all. I find myself experiencing distant yet familiar feelings. How much have I buried? How long has he been here?

Is he just a daydream? A dream that will always be—one I never realized I was having.

I don't even remember the shower ending. Still, I find myself questioning the reflection I see in the vanity mirror as Kai runs a brush through my hair. It's straight. That's the easiest way for me to deal with it when I travel. Kai loves it straight. Ollie hates it.

When did all of Ollie become so intoxicating? It scares me because it's like I woke up one morning, and the Luca, whose hand I've held since before I knew what true friendship was, is gone. That's what scares me the most. He'll be gone, and I'll just be lonely, missing my Ollie because my Ollie is my friend.

Yet, if I'm being honest, Ollie is, well, he's just mine.

"I'm terrible at golf, so I hope this game with Luca and Mr. Moretti doesn't last long." Kai's voice finally breaks through my mental spiral.