𝐢𝐟 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐈

Dear me~

The very first day he texted you, you felt that spark. He was everything you'd ever wanted, ever dreamt of. You kept your love for him a secret until he asked you to help him ask another girl out. 

That was the day you felt your heart break.

You didn't speak to him much after that. You knew you had no chance. Until he messaged you. He said he missed you and wanted to talk to you. You kept your hopes down. He was just being friendly.

One week later, he confessed to you.

It felt delirious, didn't it? I know it did. The boy you had loved for so long loved you back. It was everything you'd ever wanted, everything you'd ever dreamt of. It was perfect. You thought you knew everything about love.

You asked him out. He said yes. Everything felt... enhanced after that. Even life's most mundane tasks felt exciting when you thought of talking to him. He told you you were beautiful. He said he'd always love you. He said when he was older, you and him could watch the sunset together on the beach.

You pictured it, didn't you? I know you did. Your head on his shoulder, his hand in yours. A perfect, beautiful sky and a perfect, beautiful boyfriend.

It was perfect until it wasn't. You messed everything up. You broke his trust and his heart. And, out of fear, you broke up with him before he could break up with you. I know you regret it. So do I. If I could take back anything, it would be what you did.

He never talks to you anymore. I know that. I also know that you still love him. I know that you can never stop thinking about him. I know you wish more than anything that he was yours again. If only you had never called the other guy hot. If only you had kept his trust. If only you had never broken up with him, maybe you'd be happy.

Maybe you and him would be watching the sunset right now.  Your head on his shoulder, his hand in yours. A perfect, beautiful sky and a perfect, beautiful boyfriend.

If only.