Until We Meet Again- (loreen)

Echos From The Past

During the night after the Grand Final, I was still composing in a local studio in Liverpool, since I was feeling inspired.
It was late already, but through the years I've been realizing inspiration comes to me in the latest hours of the night.
I was concentrated on my work until I rotated my chair to find Loreen standing there.
Shock and surprise hit me, I didn't even know how long she had been standing there.
Though, I felt like I was in 2012 when she used to surprise me and appear in my hotel room in the middle of the night.

"Hey, Bella." Loreen said softly, a hint of nostalgia in her voice. "I heard you were gonna be here and decided to come."

I was taken aback but managed to find my words. "It's quite late though, Loreen. What are you doing here?"- I stood up.

Loreen smiled, her eyes showing a mix of emotions. "I just wanted to see you."- she entered, closing the door of the studio and leaning back against it.- "I still remember that night very well. We shared some special moments, didn't we?"- my heart skipped a beat after hearing those words.
Never in my life I'd imagine she would come up with that conversation at this point of our lives.

As we exchanged glances, the echoes of our past came back to me.
The intense conversations, the laughs and even the unexpected kisses we shared behind the scenes. It was a strong connection, but apparently the decisions coming from her kept us apart.

The truth is, for years and years it felt like a betrayal for me, the way she left without saying a word, the way she moved on without any regrets.
I also regretted not having fully explored my feelings for Loreen, and the thought that we might have been something more haunted me and I used to blame her for it.
Now I understand it was all an act of defense from her side.
In that moment, every feeling came up to the surface again. It has always been her.

"Do you ever wonder how it could have been?"- I asked, showing some vulnerability.

Loreen's gaze softened, and she left the doorframe and started walking towards me. "All the time. I often wonder if it could have been something beautiful if the circumstances were different. And I'm sure it would have."

In that moment, the memories of those moments came back.
As she leaned in, the visions of our previous kisses appearing intensely in my head.
Her eyes looking at mine, I remembered her innocent eyes, the beautiful dark eyeliner she used to wear.
The night we fell drunk and ended up too close to each other until her hand was touching my arm, shoulder, and when it reached my face, her lips were on mine.

Now Loreen gently placed her hand on my cheek, without saying a word, she leaned in and connected our lips, blending the past and present, the what could have been and what might still be.

We pulled away, still not disconnecting our foreheads.
Loreen's smile was the same as the one when we first met, the same as our first kiss and our first night.
I've been looking everywhere for the answers all these years, I didn't have to run around the whole world when the answers had always been here.

"There's also something I wanna say about why I wrote Tattoo. This song means so much to me, because it's the way I can tell people to not do what I did. To show how important it is to take risks and understand you have to suffer a bit if you want real love."- she looked at me deeply in the eye.

"So it's about us in some way?"

"Yeah, that's why I wrote this song for the contest, it was the place where I found you. You have no idea how I felt when I found out you were participating again too."

"Oh Loreen, I missed you like hell."- I rested my hands on her chest and felt her pushing my body against the wall as she got closer, grabbing my face between her palms and kissing me hungrily.
It felt amazing, the way her body pressed against mine, the way her muscular arms wrapped around my back right after.
I took the opportunity to slide my hand inside her oversized shirt, feeling her strong abdomen as her hands slid inside my jeans, playing with the waistband of my panties.
This was such a moment of intense emotions, but those touches didn't even feel sexual, they felt romantic and meaningful.

"Loreen..."- I groaned against her mouth, trying to pull away while pushing her back.

"Is everything okay, darling?"- she looked down at me.

"Yeah, it's just... are you sure you wanna do this again?"

"Yeah, I didn't really know what I wanted. Now I'm sure I need to be true to myself."

"And how do you expect to do that, Loreen?"

"By apologizing to you and recognizing my mistakes."

"And will that change something?"

"Maybe it will."- she sat by the piano and pulled me down with her.

We stayed in the studio until around 3am, writing singing, exchanging words and touches.
She showed me some songs, beautiful ones which she said they were her favourite to listen to whenever she missed me.
Never it would cross my mind that she would be thinking about me during all those years.
I thought she just kept going with her life, moved on and forgot about everything, but apparently she didn't.

At some point I just got too tired and decided to take a nap on the couch, I didn't know it would lead us to sleep with each other again.
I wish her arms could be wrapped around my waist forever, preventing me from falling, not letting me go away.

I closed my eyes and could feel the memories coming back again.
In the hotel room in 2012, she held my waist, kissed my neck from behind and told me I was the most important thing to her in this contest, not even the prize she would possibly win could reach my importance.
"I love you", she said. And I believed her, because I also felt the same.
I turned around and our lips met, it was gentle and deep. "I'm never letting you go", Loreen added.

I opened my eyes back again, stepping out of my memories. I could feel her breathing, probably already asleep.
Meanwhile, I grabbed her hand that was resting on my waist and held it in mine.

"You awake?"- she whispered.

"Yeah, did I wake you up?"- I asked.

"No no, I wasn't asleep yet. I was thinking..."- she thought for some time.

"You can tell me."- maybe some encouragement would help.

"I'm never letting you go."- she completed.

I found myself smiling a little, my heart allowing me to be vulnerable once more but my brain calling back the fear of history repeating itself.
I could still hear the sound of her voice promising in the past, the promise that was never really fulfilled...