Becoming Who I am

5

**AN***

Sorry it's been so long since I posted here is one of two chapters today.

Waking up with Benji was still the best feeling. Despite all the 'fun' being had in the back of Benji's truck, Alex just enjoyed waking up with someone next to him in the morning. It was Saturday, so Benji didn't have school, and Alex had to work from 9 a.m. to noon. So there was at least an extra hour with Benji before work. This morning was frozen waffles, scrambled eggs, and bacon.

There was something about waking up in Benji's arms and sneaking out of them in the morning that just made Alex happy. Not only was he happy, but it made him content. It was a strange feeling; he never once expected that he would be able to have them. He walked into the kitchen to start frying the bacon for breakfast, flipping the switch on the preloaded coffee pot.

Alex's mind wandered to how happy he was; never did he expect his first crush and friend would be gay. His mind started to race, from happy thought to happy thought, about his and Benji's future. It suddenly became overwhelming; Alex's mind slowed down as his thoughts bogged him down. Luckily, the strong and amazing smell of freshly brewed coffee brought him back to the moment. He turned up the heat on his pan; it was perfect for the bacon. Realizing he must have stood there, overwhelmed, for a minute or two.

Sighing to himself, he set out two mugs and poured himself a cup. Coffee would help. Coffee helped with everything. Or at least, it would give Alex's mind something else to focus on for a bit.

Alex cracked and scrabbled the eggs and popped the waffles in the toaster. "Good morning, my sexy little man. Benji put his arms around Alex's waist, nibbling gently on Alex's Pink neck. "I love that you make breakfast." Benji said, giving Alex's neck a break. "It's why I stay up so late." Benji chuckled.

"Well, then I will have to keep doing it." Alex chuckled back at Benji. I, too, like having you stay the night." He tilted his head back. "So How does your dad not care that you're never home?" Alex had been too afraid to ask, but he didn't want Benji to get into trouble.

"Oh that!" Benji chuckled, and Alex nodded his head, kind of annoyed, as if to say no shit. "You know my dad is a doctor at the hospital, right?"

"Yeah, I remember that; the three times I met him, he told me." Alex chuckled.

"Yes, well, he is the Head of the night shift." Benji said. Alex nodded his head and made an 'oh grunt' that actually made a bit of sense. "So all I have to do is tell my dad where I'm going to be and be there."

"I wish my mom had been a bit more like that." Alex said.

"Yeah, it's nice." Alex said. "But I don't see my dad a lot, and if I am ever not where I tell him I am, I'm grounded until I'm thirty." They both laughed.

"So does he know that I live alone?"

"Yeah, he's not super thrilled about that." Benji said, sounding a bit down. "But he has always really liked you."

"He does?" Alex interjected.

"That's why he tells you all those doctor stories." Benji laughed. "He only tells those to people he likes." There was another oh grunt from Alex that caused Benji to laugh. "He says you're a good kid and thinks your mom should be... in jail, and he wants to have you over."

Alex's heart pounded. "Does he know about us?"

Benji shook his head. "Nah, he thinks we're friends, but back to you..." Benji kissed Alex. "He feels like you're missing out on so much; he wants to have you over next week for your birthday."

Alex pouted; he had forgotten that was just in a few days, and he felt too strange to invite people over to his place for a birthday. "I didn't really have plans." He said, hanging his head down low.

"Yeah, we both kind of figured that..." Benji Started. "So we will have you, Jenna, and anyone else you want over; that way he can meet you again. He said Tuesdays could even be family night with the three of us." Benji smiled; he liked that idea. His dad had no idea that if everything went according to plan, Alex would be family.

Breakfast was ready. Alex served it, but he made Benji go back to bed. The surprise might be ruined, but Alex wanted breakfast in bed, even if he cooked it. "Oh, my breakfast in bed! I am so surprised!" Benji teased playfully. They ate breakfast. Benji insisted that they showered together. "I promise nothing more than a shower." He added, seriously.

Alex felt self-conscious being naked next to Benji. He was, of course, shorter, where Benji had muscles, thick arms, and a chest that was just a bit bloated from working out. Alex had none. Benji naturally flexed his arms. It partially made Alex's heart race as the water washed down Benji's muscles. Even 'down there' was bigger for Benji than Alex. In addition to not having been circumcised, It hung low on Benji, Alex's was, and didn't hang low. In every sense of the word, Benji was more of a Man than Alex was. Alex quickly washed the soap off of himself and went to hop out.

Hey, this is our shower; at least let me rinse off." Benji grabbed Alex around his waist, switching spots. There was no blush when Benji Accidentally bumped Alex. Hey, what's wrong?" He asked, letting Alex out of the shower and quickly finishing up.

"Nothing is wrong." Alex tried to lie.

"Uh, no, there is something wrong; you didn't blush when I... Bumped you. "Benji started but left the rest to Alex.

"It's stupid." Alex sighed.

Well, it isn't to you, so I'd like to know what's bugging you so We can fix it..."

Alex sighed again, letting go of his anxiety like a pressure cooker. "You're strong; I am not; I can't grow facial hair; you need to shave already. I am small..." Alex glanced down. "You are not. You... you... you make a large mess when you..." Alex paused to find the words. "Finish..." Now Alex blushed. "I do not. I'm more boy than man." Alex was so worked up that he untimely squeaked. Alex ranted.

Hey, hey now!" Benji shushed Alex, pulled him to him, and held him tight. "You're a man; you're the man I love. I love everything about you. I love that you're short; it means your head can rest on my Chest. I love that you're not All muscular." Alex shot Benji a glance as if asking why he was utterly confused and slightly hurt. "It means when you're obviously hurting like you are now, I can hold you close, and we both know you're safe there. As far as size down there, I am just bigger than most guys, including you. I think you are perfect down there, even if it isn't 'big. ' Alex, you are just perfect, from the blond hair and blue eyes that haunt my dreams down to the tips of your toes. Change nothing about yourself for me, Because I think you're perfect." He kissed the top of Alex's head.

Alex Sat in the office an hour later, barely able to focus on his job. Not that there were any tenants to tend to, and he filed the week's paperwork on Friday. Benji went home until that night. He lay in bed, tossing a racket ball up in the air, thinking about Alex.

"Alex is pretty self-concious about his body." He talked to his empty room. "I hope he believed me when I told him he was perfect; he is so sexy." He sighed. Sure, he is small." He glanced at his crotch. "But that is so hot... How do I tell him I like his small joystick?" Benji thought about that for a second.

"Well then, kiddo." Sam, Benji's dad, said from the door of his room. "Something you'd like to talk about?"

Benji blushed, something he hated to do, especially in front of his dad. "How much did you hear?"

Sam chuckled. "Enough to know that you're sexually active, and I don't have to worry about you getting a girl pregnant." Benji wanted to die. "Look, son, I think it's great that you're gay; it's going to take a bit to get used to, but that's my problem, not yours."

"And the other?" Benji asked, pale as a ghost.

"Well..." Sam started. "If I said I was thrilled, I'd be lining up...But you're old enough to make that decision, and I know that you and Alex have been pretty close for a while now, so I'd say you've thought this through."

"Can I continue to stay the night at his place?"

"Well, I know that if I say no, you'll only sneak around about it." Sam paused letting Benji stew in that unease. "I trust you, son; I raised you right, and you've got a good heart Like Alex, so yes, you can."