i never wanted you to hate me

*

He was hiding on Sakaar, where no one knew him, where no one recognised him. Thor released him from the dungeons to help Jane and he was supposed to be jailed again, but he escaped. He had some fun on Asgard, but people discovered he wasn't really Odin, so he decided to flee. Life on Sakaar was not bad, but it didn't feel like life. It felt as if Loki was just surviving his life, not living it. Grandmaster has taken good care of him, but he wasn't more than a lover, a plaything. Apart from being an occasional toy, Loki didn't really feel as if he had anything to look forward to.

He sat in the Sakaarian bar and ordered their strongest ale. He became a regular already, people knew his name here, a fake one, but still, he became recognisable. No one knew that he was Loki, Prince of Asgard, God of Mischief and all the other titles. They meant nothing here. As he was drinking his beer, he started thinking where he should go next. Eventually, someone will recognise him and it won't be safe to stay here. He really missed Midgard. That's where Thor decided to live and Loki wanted to as well, but that could never happen. Not after what he's done.

When he was younger, he would visit Midgard often, he used to like being there. There was this one tea shop in the Manhattan, with the owner so beautiful, it made Loki visit the shop almost every day. He couldn't have been more than 30 years old and had this endearing passion for tea. His name was William but he asked everyone to call him Will. Such a Midgardian name. Loki preferred William though. It sounded so...elegant. William always remembered how Loki liked his tea and at what time he visited, so the tea was always prepared for him. There were times, when Loki was the only one in the tea shop and they talked about books, William would recommend movies to Loki and then they'd discuss them. He was like a true friend to Loki and maybe one day that would have turned to be something more. But Loki never told William who he was. He never confessed where he was truly from. Loki disappeared and the next time they saw each other...

Then, Loki was known as the "alien that tried to invade Earth and destroy New York". Before being brought back to Asgard as a prisoner, he visited William, he wanted to explain himself, but Will...when he saw Loki at his door, he threatened he would kill him. He was terrified of his, once, friend. So Loki left and he hasn't been on Earth since. How could he? Even William was afraid of him, let alone other people. He didn't deserve to visit Earth. Maybe he'd never see it again. Maybe he'd never see him again.

Loki finished his beer and ordered another one. He looked at the golden liquid and went even further down the memory lane. He was thinking at how Frigga would always tell him he was such a vulnerable, thoughtful soul. Destined for great things. She always believed in him and would always encourage him to do whatever he wanted. To choose whichever path he wanted. All he ever wanted was to make her proud. To make her proud and to make Odin see him the same way as he saw Thor. But that would never happen. Thor would always be the golden boy and Loki would always be the weaker one. He got used to that. Whichever hobby he would pick up, it was always inappropriate. Whoever he would bring home, women or men, they were always bad for him. Any idea Loki's ever had, was always a bad one.

By striking a deal with Thanos, Loki only wanted to prove himself to Odin. But he lost everything in the process. He lost Thor, Midgard, William, Frigga. And the respect of Asgardians. All because he believed lies that were fed to him by Thanos, that he could've been the King of Asgard if only he did what Thanos wanted of him.

After drinking yet another pint, Loki gained the courage to take a small trip down to Midgard. To Manhattan. He needed to explain. Loki put an illusion on himself, to look like a regular Midgardian. He used a portal to get to a dark alley in Manhattan, close to the tea shop and he slowly walked towards it. It was getting dark already, but the tea shop was still open. Loki looked through the window and saw Will talking with a customer. Will looked as if nothing has changed. Same ginger hair, same glasses. Loki took a deep breath and entered the tea shop, passing with the customer that was just leaving.

'Hello, what can I help you with?' said William with a sincere smile.

'Hi, good evening. I...was wondering if maybe you had some green tea, mango-flavoured. I cannot find it anywhere and I really enjoy it.' Loki said with a changed voice, looking into William's eyes, that somehow saddened a bit.

'Ah...yes, yes I do. I actually have plenty of boxes, perhaps you'd like to purchase some to go? I've had a friend who would come down here often and he only ever had this tea. No one else really orders it and I can't bear to drink it myself..." William adjusted his glasses.

'Oh, I'm sorry, it seems your friend is no longer with us...?' Loki asked, hoping Will would say his friend just left, travelled, anything else than what was said.

'Unfortunately...he passed a while ago.' This broke Loki's heart.

'I'm sorry, William.' Loki said quietly. William froze and looked up at the stranger.

'I never told you my name...only he would ever call me that...' Will was staring at Loki confused.

'William...' Loki took a deep breath and dissolved the illusion. William took a step back.

'What the hell are you doing in here?! Back off!' And all the warmth and kindness was gone. Will was looking at his old friend as if he saw a ghost. An enemy. A monster.

Loki raised his hands. 'William, please...let me explain.'

'Explain? Nothing you have to say would ever change what you've done. Do you hear me?! Nothing!' Will looked into Loki's eyes with pain and overwhelming sadness. His lower lip was twitching. He shook his head. 'I loved you, you know?'

Loki was looking at Will, with the same pain in his eyes. He single-handedly ruined what they had.

'I should have told you...I should have told you everything. I should have never left. There are so many things I would have done differently if I had the chance. I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.' he said with tears in his eyes. 'You were the only friend I've ever had. I have no one now.' he said quietly.

Will scoffed. 'And? Am I supposed to care? Is that supposed to be my responsibility to keep you company? You wanted to destroy my city, better yet, my planet!' Will shook his head again. 'I don't know who you are. I knew Thomas. Tom. Not this...Loki person.

'I don't expect you to want to know me. To want to ever see me. I just wanted to apologise and see you one last time.'

'Well, you see me. Take your tea and leave.' Will said with coldness in his voice.

'William...please. Look at me, please...' Loki pleaded. The man looked up.

'What?' He nearly barked, but his gaze softened as he saw Loki crying. 'Tom...I meant - Loki...hey...' he slowly stepped towards Loki and put a hand on his arm carefully. 'Hey...'

'I...I never wanted you to...hate me...' Loki said quietly, not looking at Will. 'I'm really sorry...I will go now. I won't ever bother you again.'

'I don't hate you, Loki. You just...betrayed my trust; you killed people. You wanted to invade and destroy my home, I mean...don't you think I have every right to be angry and scared?' William said, gently rubbing Loki's arm.

'Of course you do...of course. I only wanted to apologise. I can explain. If you'll allow me to.' Loki looked up at Will with hope in his eyes.

William thought for a bit and eventually took a deep breath. 'Come by my shop tomorrow morning. Then we can talk. Okay? 9 o'clock tomorrow. I will be waiting.'

Loki's eyes lit up at these words. 'I will be here. I promise.'

'Now, go, before someone recognises you. Be careful, okay?' William said with a hint of a smile on his face. He was relieved his friend was alive and seemingly fine after all. Loki nodded his head and turned the door knob. Just before leaving, he turned around.

'William, I...I loved you too.'