Feelings

Idek

Hi it's me again but am writing this today not from my notes so idk what am feeling but today uhh idk my grandpa just died yk it hurts and stuff but it really doesn't because idk it hurts cuz i don't know how to feel for my grandpa dying and it's all just bc I can't feel anything except for anger and maybe sadness.

I can't even feel love now...so yea I feel disgusted with myself, I feel like my mom is like yk doesn't really care about me why bc she never comforts me I mean I would understand her father just died but it's not that it's been like that since I was a child and it...hurts yk.

Well  idk I just put on my usual fake smile that I wear so much that I forgot how to smile and all the expectations that everyone puts on me are too high yk it's overwhelming me so much I don't wanna feel like I felt when I was in elementary.

And today loll I didn't have much to do I woke up stayed in bed i read books on Wattpad and real book I didn't go out well I followed some advice I did go out a lot this past few days with my brothers we go on picnics I got a unicorn it's a cuddle unicorn I named it lixie but I still didn't feel nothing it was just bland I wish every day that I could die.

Same old me I finally had that 1 almost 2 week clean but I just ruined it by hurting myself I just couldn't resist well I broke my brothers promise he found out I did that so I broke it I cutted slapped burned myself and after that I took a cold shower and we'll kinda drowned myself for a few second with cold water it felt nice but pls don't do it.

And yea I ate fries well half of it to be specific then I spend some hours and ate one bite of the rice since I don't really eat chicken I didn't eat it then I put the rest away Am starting to loose weight am so happy tho my face fat got away a little now I have a jawline my weight is 20 or 30 something I don't want 30 but yea my stomach is still big ugh I hate this I want it to be small like my sisters.

                             But yea that was my day buh bye my pookie wookies
                                                                        🐺🖤