Secrets and Lies : Conrad Fisher

disappointment 

Conrad went for a shower and I went through my bag looking for my hairbrush. I found a small white envelope. i Remember the doctor gave it to me. It was the gender because I wasn't sure if I want to know or not. I don't want to know if I wasn't keeping it. so i sat there with it in my hands staring at it. then con walked back in

"what's that?" He asked closing the door, running a hand through his wet hair.

"It's the babies gender" I said, not looking up at him, still staring at the envelope.

"Have you opened it?"

"No"

"Do you want to open it?"

"Yes"

He laughed "Do you want me to open it"

"Yes, please"

he sat down beside me, took a breath and then grabbed the envelope out of my hand. I could tell he was scared, but trying to be brave for me. When he open the envelope, there's a big word written in all caps.

"I was hoping it was a girl," con said, smiling at me

I was in shock. I looked at him and my face cracked into huge smile. He kiss me so passionately, when we broke apart We are both smiling like teenagers, even though were are teenagers, though we felt like adults.

when we went downstairs, everyone was in the kitchen everyone stop talking when we walked in.

"I see you decided to join us" my mum was the first one to talk

"Figured I'd have to eventually"

Susan walked up to me "How are you feeling any Noza"

"I've only had it a couple times "

"Well then you're lucky when I was pregnant with Conrad, he made me throw up everything I ate" She made me laugh

"Would you stop that" I hard my mum's voice for behind Susan

"Stop acting like this is so amazing"

"Mum could you not" I asked in frustration

"No I'm not gonna sit here and let you ruin your life. I still think you shouldn't have this baby"

"Girl"

"What"

"It's a girl"

"Mum, you can hate me if you want, you can be disappointed in me and judge me but I'm keeping this baby...and I know it's not what you want for me but I'm doing it whether you like it or not. you may think I'm making a mistake, but if i am, it is still my mistake to make. so you can be in my life and meet your grandchild or I can walk away. i am so sick of aways trying to be perfect for you, i am done " Tears running down my face, terrified of her answer

She looked take back

"I can't.....   I can't do this" she walked out the back doors with out another word.

the second the door slammed, I broke down in Susanna's arms. after that Conrad took me upstairs, we watched a movie, but I couldn't stop thinking about it, Am I really that much of a disappointment.

con had finally fallen asleep so i took the opportunity to get some air i grabbed one off connie's hoody's and walked down to the pear. i just looked up at the stars. till i feel Conrad come up behind me. wrapping his arms around me, i lend back into his chest.

"i remember when my mum and dad went out they had been having problems so they thought it would be a good idea to have a date night, but when my mum got home i could tell the night didn't go to plan. i was sitting in my room when she walked in and asked me were Steven was. i thought he was still in his room" i let out a laugh "but he had actually went to a his friends house without telling me and when he got home he was drunk . i remember Steven didn't even get in trouble, because he "didn't understand that it was wrong " but i got yelled at for an hour for not looking after my 15 year old brother and letting him get drunk on my watch. even though i don't even know he was not in the house. every thing was always my fault"

"my hole life i have tried to live up to her standards but it's like what ever i do i will never be good enough"

"hey, look at me" he turned me around so i was facing him

"you are good enough. i know you always think everything thing is on you, but it's not don't listen to what she says"

then he hugged me. making me feel like maybe he was right.