Elezia

08

"It's late at night, what are you doing here?" He asked me as if we know each other.

"Nagpapahangin lang, I like the cold breeze here." I answered.

"Ikaw, what are you doing here?" I asked back.

His name is Sunghoon, Hoon for short. I like how his hair lands on his face. I like how fair his skin is and how beautiful his eyes are. I like his mole under his right eye and on his nose naman sa left side. As I got to know him, he told me why he was there and ranted about his problems.

Oh, he's just like me.

We spent the night talking about life and future. Parang ngayon ko lang nakita ang sarili ko na ganito ka-energetic at kadaldal. I'm not cheerful and bubbly, It just happened that I am very comfortable with him even if we just met. Hinayaan ko lang na mag-open siya at mag-rant sa akin because I know what it feels like when there's no one to listen to you.

I chose not to tell him anything about my life. Is it because of the fear that he might judge me too? make fun of me too?

I don't know, maybe I just don't want to burden him even more.

And so, we started seeing each other year by year. I introduced him the activities that I do to help myself feel better. Now, may kasama na kong gawin lahat ng 'to. Being with Hoon, feels like a warm blanket on a cold weather. I know we're escaping the reality together.

Bago kami magkita ay palagi kong nilalagyan ng yelo ang namamaga kong mata kakaiyak at ang mga pasa ko. Lahat ng 'to ay itinago ko kay Hoon.

Second year meet.

"Hoon! May problema tayo..." I nervously bit my finger.

"What is it?" He approached me to hear me out.

"'Di ako nakabili ng pinggan!" Sigaw ko at agad kong tinakpan ang tainga ko dahil baka magalit siya sa akin.

"It's okay." He answered. Nakahinga na ko nang ayos after I heard that. But somehow, I still feel bad.

"But it's your favorite activity..." Ngumuso ako. I love how he smiles right after niya gawin ang activity na 'yon. In the end, he said it's really okay kaya naman hinayaan ko na.

"Tara na mag-ihaw! Bumili ako ng isaw tsaka barbecue." I was very excited. Paikot-ikot lang ako kay Hoon habang siya ay nakatayo lang. Sobrang dami kong energy basta si Hoon ang kasama.

"Hoon, kailan mo ko ika-crushback?" I pouted. I randomly asked him just to see kung may pag-asa pa ba ko sa kanya.

"Last year mo pa yan sinasabi ah, kahit kakakilala pa lang natin ay gusto mo na ko." He said.

"Ewan, my heart chose you eh. You're my first crush, Hoon." Diretso lang ang tingin ko sa mga iniihaw ko while confessing.

"Bakit? Wala ka ba ibang nagugustohan sa school mo?" Natigilan ako sa tanong niya. Boys in my school either make fun of me or they sexualize me.

And so, our second year meet ended, and somehow it made me happy. Months later, it was late at night when I received a call from Hoon. I had to lower my voice para hindi ako marinig nila tita.

"Hello? Hoon? Bakit?" Sunod-sunod kong tanong.

"I mixs ypu" He gibberishly said. What? He misses me? Lasing ba 'to... Hindi naman siya ganito normally.

"Ha?! Lasing ka ba?" I answered. Ang tagal naman niyang sumagot kaya kinakabahan ako baka mag uuwi at mag aalaga sa kanya.

"I miss you too, Hoon." Walang isip kong sinabi. Parang nademonyo ang bibig ko eh.

"Why can't we meet often? I want to be with you 24/7." Nagulat ako nang tanungin niya ko.

"Because I can only come out my house once a year." Hindi ako pinapayagan lumabas ng tito at tita ko ng bahay, unless it's for school or may project outside. Bawal talaga kong gumala, tumatakas lang ako isang beses sa isang taon. Nahirapan ako lalo na't tumigil ako sa pag-aaral.

It's now our third year meet.

As I was crossing my arms, he noticed a bruise under my sleeve. Shit, hindi ko naitago nang ayos ngayon.

"Anyare diyan?" He pointed at my bruise.

"Nadapa ako kanina dito, wala ka pa kasi edi walang sumalo sa'kin." I lied. For the past years, sinasaktan at minomolestya pa din ako ng Tito ko.

07-14. That's my birthday; Hoon never knew about that. We're seeing each other every year on my birthday! How nice is that? It makes me feel excited every time. Hindi man ako nakaranas ng kahit anong birthday party o nakahawak ng birthday cake buong buhay ko, at least I have Hoon! He is the greatest gift I have every year. That's enough for me.

"07-14-22!" I muttered what I'm carving on the tree. "Grabe, 20 na pala ko." Walang isip akong napabulong at narinig 'yon ni Hoon.

"What?" Napatanong siya.

"Wala! Sabi ko that's the date today! Sulat mo na message mo for your future self. I'll write mine later after mo." I handed him a sharp rock. I couldn't tell him na it's my birthday dahil ayaw kong mag abala pa siya para bumili ng regalo o kung ano pa. Sa tuwing naiisip ko na binibilhan ako ng regalo ay naaalala ko kung paano ako sabihan ng mga tao na manggagamit ako...

Habang naglilinis kami ng mga basag na pinggan ay nasugatan ako. That's why Hoon hurried to take care of me.

"Wait, I'll buy betadine to disinfect it." Patayo na sana siya para umalis but I pulled him back.

"'Wag na Hoon! Okay lang. Okay na 'to, sanay na naman ako." I smiled at him... kahit nadulas ako. Sanay na kong masugatan because I often cut myself.

"What do you mean?" He asked me kaya naman nagpalusot na lang ako and shared a little info about my life.

"I love it when you're sharing things about yourself. I want to hear more." He smiled at me.

"Okay! Hmm... I wanted to be a doctor, Hoon." I said while playing with my fingers.

"Wanted? Ayaw mo na ba ngayon?" He asked me. Natahimik ako, not knowing what to answer.

After a few moments I answered. "I don't think I can be a doctor." I smiled at umiwas ako nang tingin. I can't be a doctor dahil I stopped studying. Aside from that, I know I won't grow old. Aalis na din naman ako.

"Tada! I bought marshmallows again!" I showed him a bag of marshmallows. The moment he saw me holding it, his eyes were glowing. I love it every time I see his glowing eyes, lalo na pag sinasamahan pa niya ng ngiti niya.

A year later... It was our fourth year.

Our last year together.