Homeless Vain

48

"Are you sure this is the correct page?"

I turned my head towards the demeanor next to me, sucking the tip of the spoon in my mouth as I skimmed her bright phone screen.

Moonlight - designated in a calligraphy font, with small moons and stars adorning the word. At the bottom of the rectangular space for the cover photo, there were small wordings left like copyright, 'We stand with Ivy.'

"Yes, it is," I confirmed, taking another spoonful of my matcha ice cream. "Sangyeon showed me this page as well that day."

A loud gasp left Faye's mouth, startling everyone on the picnic mat.

"Why, why?!" Daisy was enraged, slightly throwing the letter she was reading.

Well, I was sure not only she would be mad if something similar like this happened. Such a peace destruction.

"If this is the correct page..." Faye trailed off, placing the phone in the middle in which all 4 heads followed, skimming the same screen. "It has almost 100k followers which means girl...!"

She pulled her phone away, glaring at me with amusement, "You better tell us how much have you made as a writer. This is a huge number of followers and I'm sure you have tons of money in your bank account right now!"

I scoffed, why did that matter anyway?

"I'm sure Ivy can even hire a wedding planner right away. Money will not be an issue," Evelyn intended to joke, giggling as she said it.

However, I'd taken it way too seriously.

"If only I had a boyfriend. Unfortunately, not even a boyfriend but no men fall for me either."

I chuckled, playing with my soft ice cream that seemed to have turned into liquid in the cup.

The silence that fell a while later was uncomfortable and though I didn't see each face, I knew what kind of expressions they were wearing. All must be different.

"This is cute," Daisy then broke the deafening silence that had been way too long, attracting us with the next letter she read. "'Dear Ivy, you've been lighting us along the way. Whatever situation you're in right now, please know that.....we will be lighting your life like how the moon lights up the night..' Aww, you got such cute fans."

I honestly had read that letter last night and I almost teared up. I felt so touched knowing that many people cared about me, sending their support towards me though we're not standing in front of each other, we're not looking at each other.

I really hoped that one day I could thank them personally for the sincere and endless love they'd given.

"So, what's next though?" Evelyn asked, unwrapping a chocolate bar. "Will Sangyeon do something to the Moonlight?"

I breathed out, trailing my eyes to the wide clear sky. The weather was nice, not too hot and not too cloudy. Just nice.

Suitable for someone who needs calmness.

"He said he would try to contact the admin. He wants to support it officially," I shrugged. "Honestly I like the name except... this is so sudden. I mean, why suddenly someone launched a community that claimed themselves as my fans?"

"Whoaa.... whoa," Evelyn shrieked, garnering our attention again. Her eyes widened ever so slightly and her jaw dropped - her opened mouth was covered by her palm. "I just received a naughty thought."

"Don't scare us, honey," Daisy almost threw hands. "Just say it."

"What if.... someone close to us is involved in this whole Moonlight idea?"

Each face was now questioning. Well, it wasn't impossible but not that realistic either.

To say that it was one of us absolutely insane. Because the girls just got informed about this today during our picnic.

Their confused faces when I placed the box full of letters and cards would never be forgotten. For they were hilarious. Furthermore, they always asked for my approval first if they intended to do something.

Meanwhile, Jacob was busy in the cafe which Evelyn could've witnessed herself and Chanhee would never keep a secret. If he was involved, I was sure I would find it out the moment after he joined the community.

"Kevin..." Evelyn said, tone lower as if she was whispering.

"Oh! Make sense...." Faye supported, in the same low tone as Evelyn's.

I pondered, blinking harshly as I flickered my gaze from Evelyn to Faye. I'd honestly never thought to bring his name up in our conversation but they did.

And I wondered why.

"Nonsense," I scoffed, tossing the now empty ice cream cup into the black plastic for trash. "He doesn't even want to talk to me. Why'd you think he would launch a fanclub to support me?"

"You will never know," Faye said, I saw how much effort she poured into convincing me. "Who knows if he did?"

I waved them off, signaling that I was over this conversation. Talking about him would only make me slip off the cliff, falling flat into the sea of reminiscing.

I remembered all the kindness and good deeds he did for me. I really really appreciated it. However, somewhere between all the good thoughts about him, I couldn't forget all the pain he'd caused.

Closure.

What are we? How do you see me? How do you feel about me?

I just wanted to know that. I'd never thought to push him to have a relationship, knowing how meticulous he was in arranging his life.

He probably had so many wishes to achieve. The wishes that I probably wasn't listed in. And that was okay.

I'd respect him, I would let him do anything he wanted as long as I got the closure.

"Jacob talked to Kevin recently."

My heart skipped a beat. Others would've said that it was an aftermath of feeling giddy whenever their crushes were close.

But for me, it was all because of fear.

I feared what would I hear, I feared it would only break me.

"He told Kevin that you're sick. Maybe he can plan to come home and visit you," Evelyn started, biting her lower lip. "But Jacob couldn't find the time to tell him the reason for you being sick. He... keeps slipping away."

I smirked, strange that it wasn't that hurt now.

"As expected."

"You....are over him now, do you?" Faye surprisingly questioned, hesitancy was too clear in her voice. Most probably she was scared that I blew up.

"I'd be lying if I said I'm fully healed," I breathed out, extending my long legs across the mat. "But slowly I have to overcome it."

A punch was released onto the soiled ground, and Daisy gritted her teeth, expressing her feeling that seemed like a fit of anger.

"Must he treat you all sweet if he had planned to leave you hanging? If we cross paths later, he just has to pray that he will survive. Because I will not let him go."

If those threats came from anyone else, I would be convinced that it was only a joke, an exaggeration. But, it was Daisy. You should know that whatever came out of her mouth was compulsory to carry out.

"Ivy, you don't have any plan to return to him, do you?" she added, her gaze on me was way too sharp, that I could've felt my blood bubbling out from my forehead.

I stalled, lying my back down along the length of the mat, my head resting on Evelyn's lap.

How come I'd never thought of the specific answer?

Do I have a plan to return to him?

"N-no," I stammered but unnoticeable. If it did, these girls - specifically Daisy, probably won't let me see the light of tomorrow ever again.

However, when I noticed that each of them was too occupied with their phones - mostly replying to their partners' texts, I felt something unusual from inside me.

Left out.