Thought knocks

Heart deck

Can we convince our heart not to feel so much for our favorite person?

Can we ever change what has been for us is so pure, instinctive, overwhelming and all we can ever see are green flags?

That eventhough, it tear your heart apart and there is this emotional burning and churning, making your soul in total flame and you want to leave the table where love no longer served. It mentally blocked you in thinking fair.

Because me, I haven't done that yet.
Though I have the force to not feel so much for him anymore, there are certain moments of weakness whenever I intend or attempt to and I know it is not me if I do that.

I feel like the urge of picking up the phone and try to call him just to let him know how tired you are, always turn out that you want to say more of how you admire him and want him everyday.

And eventhough, I'm taking that deep breath because I have been hurt enough, I still don't give it a spill. Telling him about how many times he have let me down, isn't my thing. That I don’t deserve to be ignored and be an option to that girl he dreamed of. I don’t deserve to doubt what’s going on in our life, on a daily basis of situationship.

That the "keep in touch", "take care", "you meant the world" are just words. Just information I made to feed my self and not his real feelings.

I even try to stop sharing those raw feelings that had been for a long time now but it was taken place of honestly no intention of replacing him anymore.

That even I soak in all my tears because that is how I love, I will not try to tell it to him because, the love I know is not selfish. That to love freely is what I know about love.

It should not worried and live in pain or in doubt. It should be peaceful and just so perfectly calm. That whatever you are giving will reciprocate the same level of energy.

But gorgeous, the love game where you only holds a heart deck isn't a chance of winning. There's no such gamble where you only holds a deck of heart. Yes, there is no wrong in love, but do not take all the bet and leave nothing to yourself.

Remember that to love, is not to be in total broke but to be whole again.

💚