Tell Me I'm Alive

Affection

The concert doesn't start right at six, and I see fans still making their way to their seats. I have to admit that I'm getting a bit antsy waiting though. The people around me are conversing with each other. Thankfully, no one is crowding the space around me, though that might change when the concert starts. Two girls stand to my right and I can tell they are close to each other. I think about how nice it would be to have someone in my life who shares the same interests as me. I have my stepdad, but there's no feeling like fangirling with a friend.

My stepdad is the only person in my life that shares my interest in K-Pop. He was there for me whenever my mom and sister would make fun of my taste in music. He's told me that his favorite Stray Kids song is Chronosaurus. Whenever they release a new album or song, I make sure to let him know so he can keep up with their music.

Soon, the lights in the venue dim and I notice some shadows moving around on the main stage. The cheering is so loud, it will be a surprise if anyone goes home with their vocal cords still intact. I scream right along with everyone as the intro to Maniac starts and the stage lights brighten.

The guys look ethereal and completely in their element. Their facial expressions and dance moves are sharp, telling of all the effort they have put in to make sure this tour is their best yet. The energy in the space is indescribable. As they reach the bridge of Maniac, they make their way to the secondary stage and Hyunjin looks toward where I stand. We make eye contact and he smiles, sending a wink my way.

This makes everyone around me go absolutely feral and I'm screaming right along with them. I take a few pictures of the performances, but mostly, I just enjoy the moment. I know plenty of Stays will take lots of pictures and videos. I'll definitely be scrolling through Twitter later tonight, saving as many as I can get my hands on.

The concert goes by in a bit of a blur with each member noticing me in the crowd and lots of fanservice directed to my section. Unfortunately, the end of the concert looms closer and the members give their ending speeches. Soon after, the encore begins and I feel my chest tightening, aching for just one more song, but alas, all good things must come to an end.

Once the lights in the indoor arena brighten again, the crowd moves to the exits. I stand there for a moment, knowing it will be a while before I will be able to leave. There is a piece of confetti laying by my feet and I pocket it. A small sentimental part of my brain insists I need that piece of paper to keep forever. Eventually, I turn to follow the other fans. The Meet and Greet pass sits forgotten in my wallet as I make my way to the exit in a daze.

Twenty minutes later, the cool air hits my sweaty face and I sigh, relieved. I make my way to the rear of the building once more and am greeted at the gate by Gary, the security guard from earlier. He nods and allows me through. I pull the backstage pass from my bra and put the lanyard around my neck. The door to the building is propped open and I make my way through the seemingly endless hallways to where I hope is the room I stayed with the members earlier.

After getting lost for a bit, I finally arrive at the empty dressing room and decide to wait for the post-concert Meet and Greet to end. My feet are beginning to throb from standing in one spot for too long, so I remove my Doc Martens. I lay down on the couch with my feet propped up on the armrest and the throbbing ache recedes a little. I scroll through Twitter to find Stay have already been hard at work, posting as many pictures as they can. I save all of the good quality ones and even some of the more questionable. There's a smile on my face that hasn't left since the concert began.

"You look awfully comfortable there, Noona." I don't notice Felix entering the room until his deep voice is right beside my head.

I suppress the scream that wants to come out and smile at him. "I think that was your best concert yet, Lixie!" I'm stay laying down, too comfortable to move. "Seriously, you guys did amazing!"