ʷᵃᵛᵉˢ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵒˡᵒʳ / ᵇⁱˡˡⁱᵉ ᵉⁱˡⁱˢʰ

chapter six

When I woke up, my head felt like it was about to explode. I was tangled in my bedsheets, sweaty and nauseous. Immediately, I bolted upright and rushed to the bathroom.

After completely emptying the entire contents of my stomach into the toilet, I flushed it, washed my hands, rinsed out my mouth, and brushed my teeth.

The events of the night before were muddled with fog. I recalled the grimy bar, meeting Jasmine, and seeing Hugh and Billie. But that was where my recollections ended.

Blacking out had happened to me only once before, at the Valentines Day Dance at school. Me and a few other girls who weren't exactly my friends, but who I did sometimes talk to, had all brought flasks and were sharing. I was certain that I hadn't just consumed their tiny portions of whiskey or scotch or whatever--and yet when I'd woken up the next morning in the back of one of the girl's cars, with the top half of my dress pulled down around my waist, I had no idea what had gone down.

But that was in February. Since then, I'd tried to be more cautious with my alcohol consumption. Pills alone never made me blackout--it was only when I combined them with booze.

And yet, last night I had slipped up.

Stumbling out of my bathroom, I got dressed quickly and checked the time on my phone. It was nearly one o'clock. I was worried that Maggie--or, even worse, Billie--might come check on me if I didn't make an appearance downstairs soon.

Stepping out into the hallway, everything was silent. Through a nearby window, I watched as rain pounded at the window panes. It felt like I was in a horror movie--the only sound was the creak of floorboards as I walked downstairs and the smattering applause of rain crashing against the exterior of the house.

The kitchen--thankfully--was empty. I got myself a glass of water, certain that I wouldn't be able to stomach anything else. I just wanted to take a long, undisturbed nap.

Just as I was walking back upstairs, however, I collided with someone.

I knew who it was before I even looked up.

Billie.

She was wearing sweatpants and an oversized shirt. Her hair was divided into two messy buns. And she had a huge smirk on her face; one that I very much wanted to make disappear.

"Hi there," she said.

"Hi."

"Were you going to get food too?"

"Um--no. I was just--"

Before I could finish my sentence, Billie interrupted me. "Cool! We can eat together."

And with that she grabbed my hand and led me back into the kitchen.

I sat down awkwardly on a stool at the counter. Billie went to the fridge and peered inside.

"What do you want?" she asked, not looking away from the fridge's contents.

"I'm not really that h--"

"I'm gonna make us pancakes." She smiled, pulling the ingredients for pancakes out from the fridge, then closing it and walking over to the stove. There were no lights on in the room--only the soft natural light coming from outside. Her face was shadowed as she pulled out a bowl and began mixing pancake batter.

She glanced up at me after a few minutes of silence and said, "Last night was fun, right?"

"...Last night? Oh, yeah. It was super fun," I muttered. I was hoping she wouldn't continue this line of conversation--or, better yet, not continue any line of conversation--because I truly had no fucking clue what happened.

"I hope you didn't mind me giving you a ride home," Billie added, cracking an egg into the bowl.

"No, not at all. I was actually--I was actually just about to thank you for that."

You could practically hear the lie in my voice.

Billie furrowed her brow at me. "Uh-huh. And...you and Jasmine...are you guys, like, friends?"

The mention of Jasmine's name made me smile softly. Billie looked down at the bowl of batter in front of her, a strange expression on her face.

"Yeah, I guess. She's cool. Hey, do you have her number? I forgot to ask for it last night," I said.

"Really? I thought I specifically heard her giving it to you. Digit by digit."

Shit, shit, shit. "Oh. Yeah. Ha--I totally forgot about that."

Again, Billie looked at me funny.

"It was super fun getting pizza with you and Hugh afterwards," she said, in a tone that sounded like she was testing me for something. Her eyes were locked with mine.

"Oh, yeah. I had a great time with you guys." Pizza? With her and Hugh? Huh?

At this, Billie stopped mixing the batter and approached me. She was on one side of the counter and I was on the other. She leaned her forearms against the marble and tilted her head to the side ever-so-slightly.

"We didn't go out for pizza, Camille," Billie informed me. "What's wrong? Do you not remember what happened?"

I could feel my face flush with fear. Oh, shit.

Why had I even been pretending to remember what happened? It was stupid of me to think I could trick everyone into thinking that I had a perfectly fine memory. Stupid.

"I mean--I just--I do remember. I was just--I was testing to see if you remembered. You were pretty wasted last night, Billie," I hurriedly said. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I didn't drink at all last night," Billie replied flatly. "Did you, like, blackout?"

I avoided her gaze, staring instead at my lap, which answered her question without me even having to respond.

"That's really bad," she said. "Camille--that's dangerous."

Please let me restart this day. Please, I thought.

"...Yeah. I know. It's only the first time it's happened though, so I probably just, like, had too much to drink or something." My voice trembled more and more with every word.

After a skeptical silence, Billie walked back to where the bowl of batter sat, and turned on the stove.

Meanwhile, I inwardly cursed myself for being such a shitty liar.