you mean love? ya.
he asked me this question last night and i was speechless to tell him my answers. i had so many of them in my head, because i don't really know what that means.
i replied pretty casually, in the girlie way:
"i think it is something which brings and directs you to the happiness, and a thing i guess every single person needs to feel at least once. this is the feeling (idc whether it's feeling or not) with which you need to surround yourself with to feel enough, especially if it's the love of your love".
but can i relate to this? not really.
it's unknown feeling for girl who was love the wrong ways every time she was in realtionships with some weird guys. she hasn't found that one who will bring joy to her soul and peace to her mind.
this boy was her crush for whole damn two years of her life, i won't tell you about him, but he had huge impact in her life in the past. she is over him now.
the first boy was her first boyfriend ever. she met him as a friend and it was the first time she proved herself there's never friends to lovers. it just will never work out for her. he had some red flags, he was kind of boring person for her. they didn't share same interests. he liked to game, she didn't. she liked to read romances, but he did not at all. they're just too different to be a couple. and unfortunatly he didn't show her love and how is it to be loved.
the second one was her the most awful and disgusting choice ever. she met him at the dorm. her first year and she needed to make some friends. she was blinded by him. she really thought it was love of her life. but it was just toxic and mental abuse. at least i wasn't physical. all he wanted was sex and she gave it too him. she gave him everything he wanted. sometimes she gave him even her soul. but he broke not only her little innocent heart, but also her whole personality, her soul and her mindset. he broke her notions of love. he made her heartless and cold-hearted. i know she's stuggling a lot to express her feelings and emotions, but at least she learnt her lessons. she will regret this choice forever.
so, she didn't learn the lesson from her first relationship and again she proved herself trope friends to lovers doesn't exist to her. she dated her best friends. this was her third relationship. it was kind of useless for her and she doesn't regret anything except for loosing people. but that's alright, she can gain new.
but at least she is only young lady and maybe the right time and perosn will come to her life and heal her scars and wounds. she was broken really young, but she has her whole life ahead of her.
