Painful sobs wreck through my body.
There's no blade in any convenience.
I'm trying to be quiet.
I cry because im second pick.
I cry because im different
I cry because im awkward
I cry because my body
I cry because im lonely
I cry because im not good enough
Im not as good as my beautiful sister
Her grades, her looks, her stable relationship , her job, everything about her.
Im expected to be just like her
Long blonde hair, skinny waist and big boobs, basic style, straight, Christian girl, respect, smart, perfect.
But im not, im a faggot, im fat, I don't believe in god, im a freak, i dream too big and I talk back.
Im expected to meet my father's expectations
Being just like the goddess who walks before me
Both my parents don't give a fuck about my mental health. And if it weren't for my future plans and my 2 best friends, I'd kill myself in the most brutal way possible so everyone in scared for life when they find me. I'd ruin them.
I can't tell them things because I will be told to get over it, when I say it's not that easy, I'm slapped or yelled at.
At school I'm the emo, or gay. I have a few close friends but only 2 that I plan on keeping forever. I don't have a love interest. My grades are shit. My style if different. And I'm to scared to try and get a date. It sucks and I hate it.
I have one class with one of my best friends but none with the other. Dudes push me and bark at me. Girls throw pencils and hats. When they notice it's me in the bathroom stall they talk about how I'm different and weird and they talk about my flaws.
There are a few teachers who can see what I'm going through and try and give me my space, they let me be alone in class while they take the class to the lunch room to do their work, they give me half a packet so I can read. They let me listen to music and leave for fresh air when I need. But that's just my science teacher and my music teacher. I think they care, but their just doing their job.
I pretend I'm okay. And I'm pretty fucking good at it. Because I'm expected to.
