Boomerang

It's been weeks. A month, maybe, or more.

Karina wasn't even sure anymore, but her heart was broken and she felt like absolute garbage. Her and Winter were, sort of, dating, but they were definitely not exclusive. Not according to Winter anyway. It was complicated, because for one, Karina was head over heels, completely and utterly in love with her, but Winter wasn't ready for a relationship, and didn't want to label them. Winter wanted to keep things 'casual'. 

Fair, Karina thought, despite feeling hurt and rejected, she didn't want to pressure the girl in any way, or make Winter uncomfortable. Yet, they would kiss when they were alone and held hands whenever they could. When no one was around, Winter would look at her like she was the only girl in the world that mattered. 

Fair, fair, all is fair in love, Karina thought. 

A few months after, things were going well, and they had been seeing each other for a year now. When she tried asking Winter to be her girlfriend again, Winter rejected her, for the second time; she wasn't ready, Winter said, she wanted to keep things 'casual'. It was the same reasons, the same excuses. That day, was a few weeks ago— that day, Karina was heartbroken again, because Winter wasn't fully hers, and somehow, with the hurt clouded mind, and feeling like she was strung along, led on, and for what exactly? Only to feel like she wasn't enough, yet again, so she concluded, she wasn't Winter's either. 

With that in mind, Karina dressed up, made sure she looked her best, doused in her favourite perfume— and went to the party she was invited to, knowing full well, Winter would be there too. Yet, at that party, Karina was still hurt, and upset, and shockingly really mad at Winter. What was she playing at? She kept drinking every time she felt upset thinking about it, and it didn't take long for her to get drunk, so when a really pretty girl pulled her to dance, Karina let her, and when the equally drunk pretty girl leaned in to kiss her, Karina let her. It took a good moment for her to realize she didn't want to kiss someone else and pulled away, only to see Winter looking at her from the other side of the room— hurt, disappointed, and furious. Karina felt her heart shattering when Winter shook her head and stormed away, but she didn't go after her. They were keeping things 'casual', weren't they? What did that mean? She wasn't Winter's girlfriend, was she? Winter didn't want to be exclusive anyway, so trying not to break down from the harsh sting of Winter not wanting her, Karina didn't follow her that night, and went home instead.

A few days later, regret had fully set in and Karina started to feel sorry, even when she still felt like she wasn't technically in the wrong. Technically, but her heart knew that she cheated, if not at their relationship status (or lack of), then to her own feelings for Winter. She shouldn't, by any means, have done what she did. 

"Hey, it's me again. Please call me back? I'm sorry, I miss you.." she said through the voicemail, it had to be at least the seventh she had left that week and it was only Wednesday. Each message was different— some were apologies, and others just pleading for Winter to let them talk about it. Karina stopped calling and texting after two weeks of getting no response. She could only let herself chase after her so many times. She missed her, and loved her with all her heart, but she didn't want to be a burden. If Winter didn't want anything to do with her anymore, Karina will learn to accept it, no matter how hard it was and how much it hurt. 

It had been a long day for her and she thought of Winter a little more, wishing things were different, wishing she could call her and hear her voice again.

Her phone rang, and her heart thundered in her chest as she found the name she yearned to hear from finally blinking on her screen. Her hands trembled slightly as she reached for her phone, picking it up as she held it up to her ear. She wanted to say hi, wanted to ask how she was doing, wanted to tell her she missed her but her mouth kept closed, and she waited for her to say something first. Was it pride? Or fear? Was she too prideful to make the first move again, or afraid that she'd be rejected for the last time? She wasn't sure but she could hear Winter's soft breathing on the other side and wondered if Winter had missed her too. She could hear distant traffic and people in the background, and knew the girl was out somewhere. It was already past 11pm, she wondered where Winter was.