Pray For Us (A Richie Jerimovich Story)

"Mikey Was Right."

You and Richie both got decently drunk pretty quickly, you were laughing and joking and telling stories that'd you'd both heard a million times.

"So he turns around,"

"And it's Bill Fucking Murray!" You laugh finishing Richie's sentence.

"Bill Murray! The guy! Him! Right there! And he goes, 'that's not funny.'"

"But it's so funny! Fucking Goddess of agriculture!"

"I know, right! So he takes my phone and goes 'what's your name?' So I tell him, I said 'Richie Jerimovich' and he records, 'this is Richie Jerimovich's phone, he can't answer it right now. Leave a message!' And he hands the phone back to me and fucking walks away!"

"Just walks the fuck away!" You laugh.

"So Mikey and I are looking at each other like, 'bro did that really happen?' So Mikey calls me and listens to it and it's there! It's fucking Bill Murray! I still have it, here call me." He pulled out his phone super excited.

You'd heard it a hundred times before, but it didn't matter. You pull out your phone and call him and put it on speaker. And sure enough Bill Murray's voice comes through.

"So fucking good!"

"SO fucking good!!!" Richie repeats.

"Goddamn." You calm down from laughing.

"Ah, let's move this to the living room, this chair is killing my back." You say stretching as you stand.

"Yeah yeah, of course." You both grab your drinks and walk into the living room, setting everything on the coffee table then sitting on the couch.

"Oh shit, this is nice!" Richie says as he sinks further into it.

"Yeah, right? Craigslist. I got it for like 100 bucks, I just had to clean it up a bit."

"Very nice! That's it? Shit." He was in disbelief.

"Yeah I thought I was gonna get murdered buying it so I had Mikey come with me just in case. It was right before I left. It's been in storage for the last few years."

"Mikey would've killed 'em first if anyone so much as touched you."

"He almost did once!"

"When was that?"

"We were at a bar, I think you and Tiff stayed in, and I'm standing at the bar waiting to get a couple more beers for us, and this drunk asshole walks up to me and starts trying to flirt. I try to tell him I'm here with someone and I'm not interested, he wasn't listening at all, right?"

"Drunk assholes." Richie nodded understanding.

"Drunk assholes. So this guy starts getting real close to me and he's trying to touch me, and I back up, I'm like 'leave me the fuck alone, dude' and all of a sudden Mikey runs over and he wraps his arm around me, and Mikey is way bigger than this guy. Mikey says, 'Is everything ok over here?' And he's staring down this guy. The guy doesn't say anything just looks over at me and points. He sways a bit, then says to Mikey, 'this slut didn't tell me she had a boyfriend!'"

"He did NOT say that?"
"He did!"
"You fucking kidding me?"

You're laughing and shaking your head.

"So Mikey immediately grabs this guy by the shirt, drags him out of the bar, I'm following them to make sure Mikey doesnt get hurt cuz I dont know if this guy has friends, right? So he drags him outside and tells the security guard outside that he's harassing women. And he looks at the drunk asshole that he just threw onto the ground, and he just says, 'You're lucky security's here.'"