All too well

Chapter seven

Taylor

Lilly smiled like a kid trying ice cream for the first time as she turned to take it all in. She kept taking deep breaths, leaving a little bit of fog on her glasses, since the air was so cold that day. It was refreshing and she looked really beautiful. "Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?" She chuckled as my mind immediately went to the song "Somewhere only we know" and I softly started singing the song, almost whispering. I don't know how, but she heard me and smiled as I dared myself to sing a little louder. The cold wind was moving the branches of the tall trees around us and her smile grew wider when I got to the chorus. She closed her honey eyes, listening while her head was aimed towards the sky. I got to the end and she clapped, the smile never leaving her pretty face. "Wow... That was incredible Taylor." I felt my cheeks redden and hoped she hadn't noticed. "I love you." The words slipped out and I was kinda scared she'd take it the wrong way, since I knew she was bi, but she just seemed surprised for a second before her deep honey eyes locked with mine, letting me know she understood it was in a friendship way. "I love you too careless muffin."

It was late and I was burried under my covers, trying to stay warm. My mind was running wild and I just couldn't stop. She is my best friend. So why am I concerned that she thinks I like her like that? She knows I only like men. Though lately I hated them. I mean, I've never really liked a boy before. This is weird. I don't like her like that! She is my best friend. So why do my cheeks redden when she makes me a compliment? Why can't I keep my eyes off of her sometimes? She is the friend of my life. Or have I been lying to myself for the past month? Is she actually the love of my life? I shook my head and changed positions under my covers. I love her. But do I love her as a friend or as more? How am I even supposed to know that? I don't even know if I'm into women! I was slightly panicking and kept turning in my bed, trying to get the thoughts away so I could sleep. Just think about it tomorrow. You need to sleep. Empty your mind, and sleep...

Lilly

I sighed before coughing to hide a chuckle as Taylor shot me a desperate look. It was Friday and it was our last class of the day, which seemed to last longer than it should have. Seconds turned to minutes, ninutes turned to hours. This day didn't seem to have an end. We had ditched yesterday, to go to the woods, so I had insisted we come in today. A very bad idea on my part and I deeply regret it now, not gonna lie... I was exhausted and couldn't wait for that damn bell to ring... Taylor showed me her full notebook and I smiled, knowing how much effort it must have taken her to actually write something down. I had been helping her with taking classes more seriously and she was helping me be less uptight. I guess it had worked in a way, but of course, we couldn't possibly try to change each other's personalities. We liked each other too much for that.

"Hey Lilly!" I turned to find Dylan, smiling right at me. "Oh, hi " I returned the smile and he scooted closer to me. "Is Taylor ok? I haven't talked to her in a while. I understand if she wants to get away, I do too, but I can't. So I'm glad she has the courage to leave us behind, I just wanna know if she's alright." I found it incredibly touching. That he wanted to make sure Taylor was happy. I also found it heartbreaking that he felt like he couldn't get out. "She's ok, I think. But why can't you leave?" I looked at the ground before his gaze met mine again. "'Cause I don't have anyone to run away with. And she needs this more than I do."

"Oh thank God!" I chuckled as Taylor threw her hands in the air, walking towards her red car, away from the establishment we spent five days a week in. Five days too much if you ask me. It was quite cold outside and I took in a deep breath, filling my lungs with cool, fresh autumn air. She was laughing, hands up in the air, twirling like a ballerina while maintaining eye contact, with a careless smile on her lips. It was like she didn't care about anything else but the autumn leaves slowly falling down and me. She cared about me. My careless muffin. It was now October, and, the real fall I was waiting for was finally here. And for the first time in my life, I had someone to share this incredible season with.

I put the key in the door before turning it and swinging the wooden and sturdy door open. I inhaled and something felt strange. But good strange..."Come here Nelly!" Taylor had a smile stretched across her face when Nelly arrived to greet her, tail wagging in all sorts of directions. "I swear, she loves you more than me now..." Taylor stood up from her kneeled position and engulfed me in a tight hug as she giggled. "Hey, you know what's weird?" She shrugged as we made our way through the house and into my room, followed by Nelly, of course. "When I walked through the door with you, the air was cold. But something 'bout it felt like home somehow, for the first time since we moved in..." She shot me the warmest smile as took of her red scarf, that I had kept, and I fell onto my bed before she laid next to me, her head settling on my stomach. "You're comfy." I chuckled, making her head move a little. "Thanks?" She laughed too before closing her eyes, a slow hum leaving her slightly parted and red lips. They looked so soft. Everything about her seemed soft. Her lips, her skin, her hair and the look in her deep sapphire eyes. But her heart, and her soul? Well they weren't soft. They were bold, happy, kind and full of love but with a hard shell you had to break through to get to them. It's a shell that she let me past. And I was grateful for that. Because now I knew her better than anyone. Just like she knew me.

My parents were on some sort of buisness trip, so we had the house to ourselves for the weekend. We watched a Disney while we ate dinner, which she made, and she was laughing at some joke as my lips bent into a smile. "It's really good! You should become a chef. Unless you want to pursue your music career." She laughed and shook her head before turning to me and we both forgot the world as our eyes locked. "I'm no singer." She playfully rolled her eyes before sipping her water. "You could be. You have an amazing voice!" She shook her head again and bit her plump lip. "Don't make me regret feeling comfortable enough to sing in front of you!"

I was sitting on the front porch, writting again, in the leather notebook that had since the first time, grown to be more and more full of black ink. Taylor was singing a song I didn't know, eyes closed, laying in the grass. It inspired me. She inspired me. Everything about her. She was mesmerizing, bold and so fucking inspiring... She was like a shooting star. She was glowing and I could never get tired of it.

But something has been bothering me... It has always been hard for me to realize if I loved someone in a friend way, or in a more than friend way. And it had been a little while since I had been asking myself that exact question about Taylor. Because I loved her, and she loved me. But is it more than friendship?

I shivered and tightened the soft red scarf that once belonged to her. "It's mine, you know?" She said before sitting next to me as she curled up in a ball to warm up faster. I nodded and smelled it. It smelled exactly like her and that's why I loved it. She giggled and snuggled next to me. "What are you writting?" I quickly closed the notebook and put it away before putting my arms around her to warm us up. "Nothing." She looked up at the starry sky and smiled. "You see that star there?" She asked as I silently thanked her for letting it go. "It's the North star. When you get lost at sea, that's the one you follow. You are kind of my north star." My heart warmed and I smiled as her head settled on my shoulder. "You are my North star too."

She giggled as I tried to find us a midnight snack. We hadn't thought of flicking on the lights, so we were both stumbling in the kitchen, just trying to find something tasty, bumping into things. I winced when I hit my foot on a cabinet and I heard her stiffle a laugh. "I hate you!" She didn't bother to hide it anymore and almost fell to the ground from laughter. "You love me!" She oppened the refrigerator, lighting up the room a bit. She then started dancing after turning on the small radio we had next to the sink a wonderful smile on her face. My lips bent into a smile too and I looked into her shining blue eyes because there we were again, in the middle of the night. And we were soon dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light. Down the stairs, I was there and I was as happy as I could ever be.