The Sun and The Moon (south park stanxkyle)

And I refuse to take another breath until you change who you've become

My eyes fixed on my house. Thirty-nine feet. The was the distance roughly between each side of the neighborhood. I stood on the edge of the sidewalk. Thirty-nine feet. That distance had always seemed so insignificant, so short, and I had always taken it for granted. For fifteen years almost every day, I walked that thirty-nine feet thinking nothing of it, across the street, the brief distance between my house and the other's. Thirty-nine feet. It wasn't enough, the short distance seemingly impossible short.

I stood on the edge of the sidewalk for what felt like an eternity, contemplating walking out into the street without looking. Hopefully maybe if I was lucky if god and mosses were on my side, and in situations like this they often weren't, maybe some dumbass on his phone would run me down. The walk I had taken for granted, running across the street to meet up with the guys, playing with the neighborhood kids in elementary school, chasing each other around the streets playing superheroes or police, where we set up street hockey, now it all felt like a walk of fucking shame.

sue across the street, daunting dark green painted, the dark green looking almost like I would be entering a dark and cruel place because I probably was. Not only did I straight up ignore my mother, but forty-seven also missed calls and over one hundred text messages enough to already sentence me to death, She now knew the deep seeded secret I kept so close to myself that I had only come to realize it recently. Thoughts of conversations with my mother concerning my future ran threw my head. Get good grades, join clubs, sports, and activities, create an impressive resume, get into a good college, get a degree, become a doctor, get married to a nice Jewish woman, have a couple of kids, and carry on the family name.

Mary a woman. A woman. Not a man. Have kids, give my mother maybe a couple of grandsons or daughters. She made it very clear she didn't have a preference and despite only being a child she talked an obsessive amount about having a daughter-in-law that she would bond with, go wedding dress shopping with, and do all the things she wanted to do that she didn't get to do with her two sons. The idea of having grandchildren, a son to carry on the family name, that she would spoil and fawn over passing on some kind of motherly knowledge to my therical wife in this whole overwhelming fantasy. Of course, this all applied to Ike as well, but she made it much clearer to me, the first born how she was excited that I would be the one to give it all to her.

Would she be mad? Would she yell and scream at me for ruining her perfect world? Would they do everything in their power to try and get me away from Stan? From any boy? Would they send me to some fucked up conversation camp like Butter's family did when we were in fourth grade?

My chest tightened, my breathing becoming almost irractice I continued turning around and running back Into Cartman's house hiding there for probably the rest of my natural life, It would be the last place my mom would look for me but in reality, she would end up checking there. I laughed to myself, the sound coming out as a surprise to me barking almost, loud disrupting my thoughts. Never in my life did I think that Cartman's house, Eric fucking Cartman, the antisemitism spouting, ginger hater, never in my life would I have thought that his house would be my safety. It was truly laughable. God, I'm fucked.

I didn't turn around fighting every instinct I had and instead took a deep breath and stepped one foot onto the street. A second foot. The first in front of the other. Each step closed the distance between my refuge of the cartman's residence and whatever hellfire was awaiting me at home. Thirty-nine feet, not long enough of a distance. I stood on my front doorstep like I had done a million times beforehand, a million times I reached out to open that door but now it was like I was stuck. My arm wouldn't move and my heart pounded in my chest surely loud enough that everyone could hear it. The house I had called home for the entirety of my life, now suddenly didn't feel like home.