Mr and Mrs Nemesis Say 'I Do'

Chapter One - One Wedding Ring, and Four Coffins

Charlotte

I've had a headache for six days.

Concerning, sure, but not of the upmost importance. The most important thing right now, my bridesmaids are not playing ball. If they don't fix their attitudes, there's not just going to be a wedding, but four funerals too. The lesser known spin off to the amazing RomCom Four Weddings and a Funeral, which doesn't star Hugh Grant and likely ends in life without chance of parole.

"Please, I beg you. Pick a dress." I shove the folder towards them, inhaling deeply through my nose to keep myself calm.

Five pairs of eyes lift to me, all of them different levels of frightened and concerned. Despite me mastering the ability to think before I act, all of them wait for me to explode at the most finite reason. They all think this, and yet, they all still insist on testing my patience.

Nat presses her fingers to her temple. It seems she has a headache too. Probably from this back and forth which has gone on for over an hour. "Charlotte I'm not arguing with you -"

"Good. Pick."

She deadpans me. "You're not paying for all five of our dresses. Especially not at these prices."

"Natalie, I've been saving for my wedding day since I got my first stash of pocket money from my dad when he delegated the chores mum had given him to me." Fearne snorts, probably remembering the scenes of me tangled in the lawnmower cord at twelve years old while my dad snoozed on the sofa. "I've asked all of you to be a part of my day -"

"Our day, babe." Elijah shouts from the kitchen.

"Yeah! Sure." I cringe slightly at the sigh that follows. "Either way, this is my way of saying thank you. I get the dresses, you guys pay for your bouquets and shoes."

"Char that's hardly fair, we're all getting our shoes at pittance from Bella's," Hallie starts.

I can hardly bite back before Eden is chiming in. "And we're getting all the bouquets at friends and family rates from Heaven Scent. It's going to cost us nothing."

I point in warning at Eden. "You're the only one playing compliantly right now. Don't scratch yourself from my good graces." I don't want to make this five funerals. Besides, Seb would definitely RSVP no to my invitation if I touched a hair on his girlfriend's head.

"Char, with the most respect and love, I'm only compliant because I'm terrified of you these days." She passes me a coy smile, patting my hand.

"That works for me. You could teach these four a thing or two."

"Hey, I'm compliant." Fearne lifts hers hands in surrender, trying not to nudge the toddler asleep over her lap. She's only contenting with one of her children this afternoon - Aria insisted that Elijah help her bake cupcakes. She only had to wear the puppy dog eyes for him to begrudgingly agree. "I've got enough to pay for getting the two terrors their clothes. They grow out of them the minute I pay for them."

I waft her off. "Aria is my flower girl. I'm getting her dress."

Fearne scoffed. "Absolutely not. But continue."

"How about this," Alena began, flicking gently through the book. She was back and forth between the pages that had printed cut outs of their dress options. I'd made a conscious effort to get rid of the prices, but that hadn't stopped Nat from digging when I'd first showed them my favourite options. "You want to buy us the dresses, that's fine, but let us at least pay down the deposit. It's, what, twenty percent? That means you can piss away the majority on all of us and we still feel like we've helped."

I ponder, lips pursed. "I can deal with that."

"Well then let's make it fifty fifty." Nat grins.

"Don't push your luck."

"Well I'm happy with that." Hallie hurries out, stealing back the book from Lena. She's avoiding my gaze, red rising up her throat. "I'm free today, so if we all pick one, I can call and put the deposit down and save you the stress."

"Part of me is genuinely reconsidering my choice on Maid of Honour." I flash Fearne a scowl, to which she grins and shrugs in defence.

"Hey, I'm planning your hen party. You want to guess out of me or Hallie whose going to do a better job at that?" Her grin grows. "At least you know if I'm in charge, you won't end up married before your actual wedding."

Hallie spun around with a glare of warning, rolling her lips thin to fight back the retort. I'm pretty sure I notice the shake of her hand as she represses the urge to fire my sister the middle finger.

"You sure you don't mind us all in different styles?" Alena asks, her fingers brushes the dress which I had known was her favourite from the moment she saw it.

"Not at all. As long as they're the same colour, I don't care." That's perhaps the most relaxed I've been in all the wedding planning this far. As long as all of my bridesmaids are dressed in sage green, I had no qualms as to which dress they each wear.

"Perfect." They all begin their chatting, deliberating on their preferences, just as Aria comes barrelling from the kitchen holding up a cupcake in the air, sticky icing dribbling over her little fingers.

"Auntie Lot! Look what Uncle Li did!" I huff as she throws herself on my lap, pushing the cupcake between us. It's upside down, facing her, but I can make out the image in his poor decorating. Two 'people', one in a white dress and a spatter of colour at their waist supposed to be a bouquet, the other in a suit and a dot of white and green at their chest to be their flower. "It's your wedding!"

"Oh wow!" I take it from her gently, spinning it to me. She grabs my wrists with her horribly sticky hands, excitement bright on her face. "It almost looks too good to eat."

She snatches it from me, cradling it protectively. "It's not ready yet. Uncle Li says it needs to set, or we'll all get all goopy from the icing." She flicks her fingers out wide to show exactly what she means.

I grab her hand, holding it close to my face. "Well then I'll have to eat you instead." I nibble at her fingers, grinning at her gleeful screams as she tries to pull away, shaking in my hold. This sort of noise being a regular occurrence here, not one of my bridesmaids divert their attention.

"Aria, I said she couldn't eat it! That one's mine!" Elijah calls as he peers around the doorframe. I lift my eyes to his, heart warming at his soft smile.

"She's eating me, Uncle Li! Save me!" He pads over, picking her up at the waist and pulling her from me. I play to the struggle, but back down when she starts kicking her feet like a maniac. She's more lethal than anyone I know, and I don't fancy a black eye.

"Quick! Go hide the other buns before she comes for them." She nods, scurrying off. "And wipe your hands you muck tub." She giggles, and both he and I know that she definitely won't wipe her hands, and all of our kitchen is going to be sticky for days.

"Seeing you with her makes me broody." I murmur as he leans down to give me a chaste kiss.

"Absolutely no chance. I don't get enough sleep with you as it is." His words are heavy with innuendo.

"TMI guys." Nat grimaces. They're all still pouring over the book, and Elijah glances at them.

"All sorted?"

"There about."

"Just your dress to sort now." His fingers tangle loosely with mine and I smile wide.

"Easy peasy."

It is, in fact, not easy peasy.

———

Auntie Lot And Uncle Li.

the way my heart sings at that. I love them so much, and I'm so fkn glad they're back.