Go Jetters Oneshots ! ▪︎ THUNDERSTOMM

Reflection.

While getting ready for the Go Jetters beach day-off, Lars takes some time to reflect on himself and his journey, as well as think about things that scare him.

1196 Words, Originally Posted to AO3 on 27 / 08 / 2023

Thank-You for reading! This Oneshot wasn't easy to write, and I did a lot of research and had a lot of people proofread this fic to make sure that I didn't handle anything in a way that is insensitive. Although I am non-binary, I am not binary transmasc, and I wanted the opinions and feedback of those who were when writing this. I hope that you all can enjoy this fic! I had a lot of fun making it, and personally think that I handled the subject in a way that was respectful.

Any transphobic comments will be deleted. Feedback is appreciated !

Enjoy!
- Tomm. (:

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It had been months since the Go Jetters had gotten a day off, and it was almost, no, it was exciting. It felt as if training dragged on for months, and even their so called "Academy Holidays" ended up with them all participating in rescues, or Academy based jargon. But today was going to be different. No uniforms, no Click-Ons, not even taking the vroomster or truckster to get there! Just the sand, the sun, the sea, and five Go Jetters. Well, four Go Jetters and one cadet.

Lars couldn't help humming to himself, as he packed his small duffel bag with everything he would need, and everything the others would forget. Sunhat, sunscreen, at least three towels. A bucket and spade, a disposable camera, and a spare change of clothes for afterwards that was guaranteed to get ruined. A second change of clothes was added, to combat that.

Lars hadn't been to the beach like this, outside of a mission, or a "day off" where they still were clearly Go-Jetting, for years. He had almost forgotten why, until this had come up. At the time, it didn't worry him, but now that he was getting changed into his swimsuit, he had no choice but to look it in the eye.

Lars had already chosen which one he was going to wear. Black swim trunks, with red highlights, bright enough that he could be spotted in bad water. And a red "hawaiian" style button up, complete with silly flower patterns in a soft eggshell white. It was undeniably the most "Lars" thing he could have chosen to wear. He had gotten himself halfway there, already wearing the trunks, but he froze to look at himself before he put on the shirt. Remembering what kept him from enjoying the beach for years, and seeing how it was now changed.

All of his friends knew he was transitioning. It had been 10 months since he'd received top surgery, and the twin scars which lay under his chest spoke simple notings of his journey, of how far he'd come. Lars was proud of himself, and of his scars, they were a symbol that he was finally becoming who he was supposed to be, instead of wearing the mask of someone else.

But he'd never shown them off in public. They were always hidden by something, and he was almost used to that kind of... shield from more judgemental eyes. Even if he was proud of himself, he was just as scared of people who would look at him with prying eyes. Trying to combust his flesh and bones with his eyes, for daring to do something that made him comfortable with being alive. It made him sick to his gut.

It wasn't their right to tell him what he did with his body. But being proud of himself and scared of everyone else coexisted in such a strong, vile way. Lars looked at himself, desperate to regain the excitement he'd held mere moments ago. He loved himself, he was proud of himself! But he was also scared of judgment, the same way that he was scared of people seeing him at the beach as a small child.

He remembered refusing to go in the water, or even move from under the large parasol set up. Swaddled in the biggest towel available, hiding whatever swimsuit had been forced onto his skin, because he wasn't himself. Because his stomach churned like the tide whenever the implication of having to go to the beach, and wear that arose.

Lars found himself in his wardrobe, pulling out an old black swim shirt, wondering if he should put it on. It didn't fit him anymore, his shoulders had grown too broad, and his chest was too flat to fill it out. It made him feel just as vile as he did as a child, like he was reliving the moments when the adults would say "go play with the other girls", because they weren't the "other girls", they were just "the girls" because he wasn't one of them! He heard a sudden noise, and looked down to see he had torn it.

Lars dropped it to the ground, kicking it away from him. Deep breaths, he reminded himself. In, and out.
It was better that way, anyways. There was no way he wouldn't have broken down if he had managed to put it on. Everyone else's day would have been ruined, but he'd ruin his own day ten times more.

Lars looked in the mirror again. He didn't see what everyone else wanted him to see. He wasn't one of the "other girls"- he wasn't a girl at all, no. He was a man, and it made him happy just to think that. And nobody could define who he was, other than him.

He reached out to his bed, picking up his red button up, slinging it around his shoulders. Instinctively, his hands went for the buttons, but he chose to leave them be. It had been so long since anyone had gotten to see his scars, and they were a proud sign of his journey. Today was about being happy, and enjoying the beach after years of not being able to do it. It wasn't worth hiding out of fear, not to him. They were part of his identity, as much as being a Go Jetter was.

Lars smiled at his reflection fondly. That was him. That's what was missing, all those childhood years. The real him, beaming back in a way that could only be described as right.

Yelling broke him from his daze, from his momentary inner peace.

"Lars, Lars! We need to go now if we want to catch the ferry!"
"Hurry up, Lars! Did you lose something?"

"One second, I'm coming!" Lars said, turning around to his bed, and shoving his last few belongings into his bag. His friends could be on his back for being late, but they'd be thanking him the moment they realized they forgot something. He slung the bag around his shoulders, and darted from the room, to be met with the friendly faces of his Go Jetter team, and Tala, all dressed for the beach.

"About time, buddy!" Kyan giggled. "Love the shirt by the way."

"Oh, ha ha." Lars said. "And thanks. It felt right. Do you guys have everything?"

The others brushed him off, giving rushed "Yes, yes!" and "well duh!"'s for answers. Lars raised an eyebrow, not hiding his chuckle.

"You know I don't believe any of you."

"Yeah, well WE know you packed it anyways." Xuli joked right back at him.

"Guys... are you forgetting, the ferry?" Foz quizzed, holding up his orange tablet, which displayed the times for the boats. "Go Go Go!"

"Wouldn't want to be late." Lars said, grinning. "Today's supposed to be our perfect day off, after all!"

His four friends all cheered, all rushing off in an almost race-like fashion to get to the boat docks. Lars sighed fondly, fixing his shirt up before rushing behind.

Today, the beach was going to be great. And there was nothing anybody could do to stop that.