Pavitr Prabhakar x FEM Reader

Hold It Back

Monday morning rolled around and anxiety set in at a new level.

Knowing the truth about how Pavitr's relationship hanging from a thread made me feel sick. The last place I wanted to be was at school.

If I could is stay home but I knew I had no temperature so it's likely neither my Auntie nor Uncle would let me stay home.

When I got to school the feeling only seemed to skyrocket.

Seeing Pavitr sitting so innocently, perfectly happy, made my heart shatter to a million pieces.

I wanted to tell him about Gayatri so bad, but also I hope he never finds out.

I just know that once he knows it'll change him. Not entirely but even so, it'll take him a while to heal. I can tell just by looking at him that he's never been through this kind of heartache. Yeah, he's been through worse, but either way I don't want to see him hurt.

I hesitated to go to my seat. I wanted to run away but I knew that wasn't rational so I stiffly sat next to him.

I don't know why but he seemed extra giddy this morning. He was practically jumping up and down was the dumbest smile. This is how he should be. All the time. Happily undisturbed...

There's no way I could possibly talk to him without wanting to tell him everything. So I made a silent promise to myself.

I can't talk to him anymore.

I just can't trust myself. Usually I'm great at keeping secrets but... this was different. I was keeping a secret from Pav. The most trusting person I know.

"Guess what!?"

Oh no.

I was hoping, praying that this exact situation wouldn't happen but with someone as friendly and open as him it's impossible. I just really wanted things to go my way today and not have Pav start a conversation. It's gonna be really hard not talking to him, especially since I know it'll make him upset.

Luckily for me he didn't wait for an answer.

"Gayatri called me last night and we're gonna hang out after school today! I'm really excited I can't wait! She told me she couldn't say what it was for so she's planning a surprise! Isn't she the best!?"

Gayatri.

Gayatri.

My heart sank.

That can't be good. Either she's going to tell him she cheated, or she's going to lie and act like it never happened.

To make it worst he just kept talking about her. I barely had to try to not talk to him.

I watched as he went on and on about Gayatri. Even when class started every now and then he'd whisper praise about her.

The first class dragged on as I listened to him but my second went by all too fast.

I didn't really want to see him at lunch. I knew exactly how it'd go already.

He'd ramble about Gayatri and I'd be biting my tongue. Not the desired way to spend my lunch so I was gonna try and get out of the situation.

That failed immediately.

He was waiting outside my classroom.

So much for avoiding him.

His walk had a bounce to it which just made me more sad. I wanted to savour his good mood but it was impossible knowing his mood was because of someone's who's gonna crush him.

"Where do you wanna eat today?" His voice was dripping with enthusiasm but for some reason he was avoiding my eyes. Which was fine because I was avoiding his.

I couldn't say anything. I promised myself. I can't be around him I'll spill everything.

My heart broke a little when I spoke up.

"I'm gonna eat by myself today..." His face fell which only made me feel ten times worse. I kept my head down and moved past him to find a secluded spot to eat.

I felt so bad. I could feel him watching me walk away, likely with the same shocked sad face. I hated I knew this secret. Damn you Gayatri why couldn't you just have broken up with him before kissing other guys.

As the day crept on my heart grew increasingly heavy the closer to the end of school it got.

When the end of the day bell rang dread had completely swallowed me.

Pavitr and I had walk eachother home almost everyday after school and I'd have to make him sad all over again.

That look that I'd put on his face at lunch haunted me. The last thing I wanted was to be the reason Pav frowns. But I had to.

And there he was. A lot less cheery than this morning, likely cuz of my ditching him at lunch, but he still managed to smile at me. This smile was a lot more hopeful and sad than I wanted. I missed his bubbly smile so much right now.

Through my brows I glanced up at him and walked past him keeping my head down.

His face fell again but this time it was less shocked which only hurt more. He'd expected this. Hoped I wouldn't but he at least thought I might. And I did.

My whole walk home I wanted to curl up in a corner and stay there forever. The looks he'd given me, the looks I put on his face, were so hurt, so painful to look at. I couldn't get it out my mind. It was torturing me. My mind replayed the moment over and over driving me insane.

When I got home I didn't bother doing my studies. I just wanted to sleep. To get that look out my head.

Today was a disaster.

As his face overtook my mind one other thing lurked in the back.

He was going to see Gayatri.

I could've at least been happy with him today instead of ruining his whole day which was only going to get worse.

Unless she doesn't tell him.