Watch the World Rot

5 | DEAR, DEAR MOTHER

I was always a particularly religious person. My mother was raised an Orthodox Christian and that was the way I had been brought up too.

When I was a child, I believed. I often went with my mother to the Holy Trinity Cathedral, though back then it had been more to admire the beautiful building made entirely of carved wood, thinking that I could climb the ladder of walls; gaze at the gleaming golden chandeliers with waxy candles, where ribbons of metal were wrapped around the length to make them stand tall; laugh at the distorted paintings of baby Jesus and Mary hanging on the walls.

On top of each of the 5 towers of the small cathedral was an erect cross, standing on golden teardrops that reflected the sunlight when hit just right. From the window of my room I can sometimes see the light. The roof was dark grey, contrasting the wooden brown walls.

Over time I adopted the practices and prayed to God, hoping for fortune and good luck.

But if God exists, then why is he punishing us like this? If God is real, then why does he allow good people to die? If God really loves us, then why does he cause so much pain in the world?

Why can't God stop pollution and global warming? Why does God allow us to destroy the earth and does nothing about it?

Why did God allow this wretched disease to infect my mum? She was a highly religious woman who always cared for those around her. She was a teacher who always made sure her students achieved their full potential and filled each lesson with joy and laughter. She donated to charity and even donated her own blood to a stewardess in Anadyr.

If God is real, and God loves his people, then tell me why does he let good people suffer? Is my mother not as good as I believe, or is it God who's at fault?

I don't know which is the worse option.

I take a look at all the horrors in the world and I wonder: where is God where we need him? This pandemic makes me think that God isn't really there. God has given up on us a long time ago, and left humanity to their own devices. We caused this.

Now we continue to aimlessly believe in an empty husk of what once was, our naivety allowing us to think that there is a sliver of redemption left for us in this horrible world.

It is all our fault that the world is this way. People preach that they're doing good and that they help the world, but they don't. We like to think that we are innocent and that it is the upperclassmen who are harming the environment; no, it is us, as a collective.

Even me, even my mother, even the holiest priest and the most innocent virgin. You can't just blame a single person because we killed God ourselves.

And now, we suffer and pay the price. Maybe this apocalypse will warn future generations of the consequences of our sins.

And the worst part? The trouble is only just beginning.

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The Russian government has released a new legislation to deal with MJSV. It said that anyone displaying symptoms of the virus must immediately alert the local hospital and government, which is what my mother had to do.

It seems so surreal to me that Nonoka was taken away from us only three days ago. Two days since my mum had begun to show symptoms of MJVS and one day since the legislation was released.

Time is slipping through the gaps of my fingers so quickly that I fear it. I know that soon, my mum will suffer the same fate as Nonoka.

I just pray that like her, she won't be taken away to an asylum to be experimented on. We haven't heard a word from the Watanabe's in ages, and any time Nikolay or I went to ring the doorbell no one answered. No one knows that happened to them.