I never though that life will lead me these way.
I took a deep breath and started walking to my office and stared at the vast sky outside the window as my coffee gets cold
What is wrong with me today?
I wondered to my self as i took as sip from my already cold coffe
Im actually at home at the moment as i work as a freelancer, i like staying at the comfort of my own house without other people invading my space.
Im what other people call an introvert, im not alergic to people its just that i dont fit in and i dont want to fit in
From all the years that ive tried its never really going to happen. Im just not that kind of person and pushing my self is just the same way as breaking my self.
I looked at my phone as it suddenlly buzzed while sitting on my table, i always keep it on buzz or silent because i feel axoius whenever someones calling me and i would really prefer a taxt rather
I chack my screen and saw a text message from my old school mate asking me to go out and i felt a sudden tug in my stomach
I dont wanna go out today.
Another message appeared on my screen saying that i cannot not go these time because i already skipped the last hang out that they invited me
I feel my concsience being beaten up as i texted 'ok' back and proceeded to put down my phone
Im even surprise that people still actually want to hang out with me even though im verry akward in gatherings or most of thd time im just silent in the corner
I took out a cutd little pink summer dress as it is verry hot outside and a cardigan as well because im just concoius with how my shoulders look in the dress strap, i also have a dark armpit so that just adds up but i learned through my 21 years in these world that my body is normal and wearing whatever i want or of what im comfortable in is alright and other opinion doesnt matter.
Exactly why i have a lot pf cute dresses despite my flaws i know that they dont matter.
I picked up a white sandals to go with mh little white hand bag because its just a luch out anyway i dont really have to bring much besides my phone, wallet and some small stuff like keys and lipbalms.
I checked my phone and its already 11:27am so i hurredly rush to tie my long brown hair with my favourite pink ribbon scrunchy and ran downstairs straight to my car
My car is a second hand and of which i baught my self after i got my house
I texted them that im on my way before playing taylor swifts albums while on the road, taylor has always been my favourite singer since childhood and i absolutely adore her songs.
I reacged the coffee shop they are in and looking at the table with two couples and three laughing guys i feel my heart beating fast.
Im scared.
My anxiety is piling up in my stomach as i push through and walk closer to them, im never comfortable getting close or mingling with people but as humans are social animals, socializing with others are still sometimes a must for me to not get worse in solidation of my self
His eyes clashed with mine as i walk closer to them and sure enough i took a smile masking my axiety looking as normal as i could possibly be
'Clare! '
I looked at the young man that called me while moving a chair beside him for me to sat at and i gladly took his offer because the sooner i sit the sooner there eyes would leave me be
Rey dezman is my school mate since i was in junior high same as ben luzzets and wren harlon who are sitting around me and i actually have no idea whose the other 2 pairs are well know soo i guess
'What took you so long?'
'Traffic'
Is all i could answer rey as i kept my eyes glued at the menu looking for what i could get my hads sooner and stuff my mouth with so that i dont have to talk with them
I raised my hand and called for a server which did came pretty quickly in our table
'One matcha latte extra milk with chocolate loaded cake and a sweet potato cake'
The server then wrote my order and took a little bow before leaving our table and once more i am open for the battle feild of conversatios.
'These is camile and thats her boyfriend ben'
Rey suddenly spoke poiting the couple in my right at the other side of the table
'And thats hana and kevin'
I gave them an akward smile just to be polite and slowly bowed my head bfore introducing my self
'Clare, nice to meet you'
Shortly after small talks my food came and as soon as it camed i took my drink, stabbed it woth the straw and plunged my mout with it so that they would stop talking to me which actually work as they just started to talk to them selves as i savour my frink and desserts.
I felt a nudge on my left woth a danggling tissue in my face.
I looked at wren who glaced at me as i took the tissue from his hands and quickly he pulled his hands away like nothing happend
Apparently theres a smudge of cake in my cheecks as i wipe my self clean i looked at wren again and at the same time he took a glance at me and i took a little bow to thank him and he did as well awknoledging my thing before taking back his attention to there guests
Wren and i actually have a pretty bad history as we amost had a relationship in our highschool days but i was immature at that time and said things that i didnt thingk through and hurted his feelings more than i can imaggine and until now i still havnt said sorry to him which has been wheing down my haert these past few years because i fully know he didnt deserved that in the slightest.
I took a deep breath as i remember the past and continued to eat my dessert like it is my only agenda for todays hang out.
'You're being too quite again, tired already?'
Rey jokingly told me as he goofly smile making his eyes squinted and small
I shrugged and rolled my eyes on him as he suddenly snatched my fork and took a bite from my cake and laughed quite much
'Who said you could have some you dumbass?'
Rey just laughed in my remark and so i snatched my fork back away from his hands.
' ew my forks dirty now '
I joking ly said as i reached out for tissue in which wren gladly pused towards me while staring at my fork.
