Hi again,
Um, I know it's been a while since I posted that last chapter about El. But here's the thing about El, Over this summer, I've taken some time to realize, that El wasn't being the toxic friend, I was.
Now I know that that sounds crazy, BUT, El didn't KNOW that she was being a toxic friend, she was just trying to fit in. And honestly, I feel REALLY bad about what I did/said behind her back. Like, I would start RUMOURS about her to make her look bad, like who DOES that?! And whenever I told El that she was doing something that I didn't like, she would apologize immediately! So yes, I was the toxic friend, not her!
And I just want to say, that I am SO proud of myself for realizing this! Because MY goal this year is to be a less problematic student. So yes, I've been hanging out with El more often. I mean, I just feel like, shes a SAFE place to express my feelings to. I mean, she's not my BEST friend like me Hatty, and Willow are, but El doesn't JUDGE me! Like, when I tell her that I like someone, she either AGREES with me, or she just doesn't say anything about it!
Because today, I got REALLY hurt by one of my best friends because of who I like. So basically what happened, is my best friend's crush who sits at our table got angry at me for something gross that I said(which wasn't ACTUALLY gross, it was just about romance and she doesn't like romance), and my best friend came in and said:" WHATS gross, one of her crushes? like EdDiE MunSOn, or, DRacO MalFOy, or StEVE HarRingTOn?" And I looked at her in disgust, because basically, she was mocking me for something that I didn't even mention! So then her crush said: "Oh yeah, Steve Harrington is SO gross, like, his hair looks SO greasy," And then my best friend said: "Yeah, I know right?" And I looked at her in confusion, because she said that she ALSO thought that Steve Harrington was hot. I felt attacked, backstabbed, judged.
I knew I should have said something now that I look back at it, so I did the only thing I could think about, cry. I was crying in the school bathrooms before my last class. But do you know who was there to comfort me about it? El.
Anyway, I'm OK, I am not like, SUICIDAL or anything so don't worry about me. I'm just a little sad and confused about this. So thanks for reading this!
