Figure It Out - Effie and Haymitch

30. When Tables Turn

When Tables Turn

After someone rips my dress and wig off of me and my makeup is removed, they send me back to my old cell in a new uniform. Johanna looks at me with wide eyes as she sees that I'm physically unharmed, my hair is combed, and I am wearing fresh clothes. The door closes behind me with a squeak and I flop onto my bed. Then I tell her about the interview without her asking me a thing.

"They're losing," Johanna finally whispers and can't hide the brutal grin on her face. "Katniss is the Mockingjay and Peeta is the only one within reach who has any power over her."

"And why was I there then?" I ask hesitantly, afraid of the answer.

Johanna is lying on the bed with her legs stretched out against the wall. "You know why," she says. The joy in her voice is gone, though she can't wipe the grin from her face at the strength of the rebellion.

Haymitch is alive. "You knew about it, right?" I ask her then, unable to hide the mixture of confusion and anger in my tone. "You knew about District Thirteen."

Johanna gives me a warning look and then rolls over onto her stomach. "Of course I knew about it," she replies bluntly. "Who do you think cut the tracker out of your Mockingjay's arm?"

Although the truth has been hanging between us for quite a while, I jump up energetically and take a step toward her. The size of the cell means I'm now standing right in front of her bed, staring down at her. I can feel an inexplicable anger coursing through my veins. "I'm tired of everyone around me lying to me or hiding something from me," I snap at her with such anger that she raises an eyebrow. "Haymitch has lied to me since we first met. He used me and betrayed me and now I'm rotting in this damn cell because of him! And now you're telling me that you, like him, knew about this damn rebellion all along?"

Johanna sighs and sits up. "Calm down, Trinket, we're not alone here," she hisses back. It doesn't take much provocation to make Johanna angry. "I did what had to be done to bring this system down. While you were drinking champagne and eating cake on holidays, I was killing people in the arena. I had to watch Snow butcher my entire family. It was the same with Haymitch. He came home as victor, but his family was dead."

I stare at Johanna with wide eyes and don't know what to say for a moment. My stomach churns like she hit me. But it's my own disrespect that punishes me. Our angry glares fix on each other for several seconds, then my mask begins to crumble and I step backwards to flop onto my bed.

Johanna's words bring my thoughts back to my own family. The images I intended to repress are back and more present than before. The pain of their loss twists around my chest and crushes my heart. I try to open my eyes and try to see Johanna, whose angry expression has now given way to confusion. My mother appears in my mind's eye. I love you. My trembling hand goes to my throat.

"Trinket?" Johanna's voice is low, but so consistent that I manage to focus on it.

"They executed my parents," I hear myself say from afar.

Johanna's eyes widen for a split second and I see her tense. "When? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Before the interview. They put me in a room, and I had to watch it from there. They televised it. They just shot them. They haven't done anything wrong. They had nothing to do with it." My voice is getting louder and shakier. It's the first time I say it out loud, but it brings me no salvation. It just makes it more real. Only worse.

"Fuck." It's all Johanna can bring up. She lowers her eyes. She doesn't know what to say or do. She's never been good at things like this.

"They had nothing to do with it," I repeat, tilting my head in her direction. "They knew nothing. Just like me. I had nothing to do with this until Haymitch dragged me into all of it."