Unfortunate Reality || Ranboo ✔️

thirteen :(

Trigger Warning
mentions of suicidal thoughts

Ranboo's POV

Month Nine : Week One
How Does It Feel - Avril Lavigne

"Can we talk?" Ezra whispered, walking into the entryway of my room.

"'Bout what?" I asked, sitting up on my bed. He came in and shut the door before just leaning on it.

"How did you get over your girlfriend? Like how have you coped with the breakup?" He asked, looking at his feet as he spoke. He was scuffing them against the floor and the squeaky sound it made had my head pounding more than it already was.

"I haven't." I replied. He looked up at me and I could see the tears forming in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asked softly.

"I mean I haven't. I'm not over her, I think about her everyday. Every minute of everyday that girl is on my brain. Every minute of everyday i think about how I fucked up the relationship for no good reason at all. That no good reason being you, by the way. Ezra I haven't been this bad in a while. Breakups hurt. They take every single ounce of whatever energy and love and motivation you have and crushes it to smithereens. It's like glass shattering against a wall. You may be able to put the pieces back together, but it'll never be whole again."

"What have you done to help the pain?"

"Well, Asterin and I always went adrenaline seeking. We'd speed down roads, we'd steal from stores, we'd sneak out. Once we ran from the cops because we were just knocking on people's doors in a hotel complex. So I fill the void. I hit ninety on backroads. Ive gotten drunk quite a few times. Nothing is the same, but it gets my heart racing all the same. I just feel alone when I do it." I explained. He walked and sat on the end of my bed.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Yeah, you should be. I'm not one to kick someone when they're down, but well you should be. Its month nine, by the way. a whole 36 weeks without Asterin." not the complete truth but yeah, "All you can do is pray to god they'll come back."

"She won't come back, I know she won't."

"Then you have to learn to live without her."

"Three years is such a long time. You and Asterin were together for two months."

"No, no we weren't. We weren't together at all. But we were definitely more than friends for two months. And yeah, Ezra, two months isn't a long time but with the right person, two months feels like a lifetime. She was the right person. We did two months of random shit but I fell in love with her every single minute we were together and it was enough to cause me so fucking much pain I have genuinely thought of killing myself."

"You what?" He asked, whipping his head up and staring at me.

"I just wanted my mom, Ezra. I still feel like that sometimes. The pain will just become so all consuming I can't handle it anymore." I said, shrugging my shoulders as if it were okay. I was used to it so enough said, I guess,

"How have you handled that?"

"By not killing myself."

"No shit." He said, a small smile forming on his lips.

"No but seriously. I basically guve myself false hope. To hold out for the day she might come back. There's nobody else out there for me, so i tell myself she'll come back."

she'll come back...

Month Nine : Week Two
Mess It Up - Gracie Abrams

Calling My Star Girl <3...

did i fall out of line when i called you?

"Hello?" She asked, a small yawn escaping her.

"Hey! How are you?"

"I'm good, just hanging out with my Uncle. How are you?" She asked, her voice flowing through the phone

"Oh, i'm fine." I said, a frown keeping its mark on my face.

"You sure? You sound a bit upset."

when i told you im fine, you were lied to

"Yeah! Im fine, im fine. Wanna hangout this weekend?" I asked, trying to get myself to be excited about out hangout. It would be one of the last ones and I just want to enjoy us for a moment or two.

"Yeah! Can we go to the car show?" She asked. I could hear the excitement in her voice.

"Of course we can. We can make a whole day out of it." I said, a smile finally forming on my face. It was all because of her, all for her.

how could i think that all that i gave you was enough?

Month Nine : Week Three
Locksmith - Sadie Jean

I lay in middle of the road, pondering what the actual point of anything was. The streets were abandoned and the sky was dark. No stars, no moon, no cloud. I guess it fits the mood.

Ive had a good few weeks recently, but everything just came tumbling down. I guess it's because I know there's no reason for us to see each other again.

I don't really know what to do or how to feel.

I want her, but I can't have her.

I love her, but I know my love is not enough.

I want to be there, but she doesn't want me there.

Do i act on my feelings? Just show up begging to fix things and make it work?

Do I just wait for her to come back? Wait for what could be years just to have happiness back in my life?

Do I forget about her? Forget about everything we have or had or could have?

I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to feel.

All I know is the mass amount of pain rushing back in is unbearable and insurmountable.

How do people do this?

How do older couples keep going after one dies?

How do couples just casually breakup and feel nothing?

How do I start feeling nothing?

Every bone in my body tells me to wait.

Every muscle wants to reach out and hold her until the world ends.

Every nerve ending burns with the lack of her.

Every thought I have tells me to move on, tells me to get over her because what if nothing amounts from my waiting?

My heart beats for Asterin Heart despite it all.

I know the worst pain I can go through is moving on.

So I guess I'll wait until she's ready, until I'm ready.

I'll wait until forever doesn't exist.

Though, i'm starting to believe it never existed to begin with.