Good omens 2.5

Prayers and tears

Aziraphale didn't expect the meeting to last as long as it did. As he makes his way to his office all he can think of is how good a cup of cocoa would be. A little known fact is that heaven is cold. General knowledge is that hell is burning, which isn't entirely untrue, so heaven decided if evil is hot then righteousness must be cold. It isn't freezing but more like the AC is cranked way up. Anyways, a good hot cup of cocoa would be nice. Maybe once he's in the privacy of his office, he can indulge.

The computer is still dinging away when Aziraphale gets back. "Guess I should do something about that." He sits at his desk and opens his mail. The screen displays that there are 12,877,423 emails and 1 prayer. A prayer? That is intriguing and also seems much more manageable. Click. It's from 20 minutes ago in London. How exciting! Click.

A hologram pops out of the computer. Jolly good he can see the whole thing and get the big picture.

The video comes into focus and Aziraphale feels much less excitement when he sees who it is. Crowley. It's a gross scene honestly. Crowley looks rough, to put it nicely- his hair is a greasy mess, there's throw up on his shirt, and he has dark circles under his puffy eyes- he looks like death, slumped on floor like that. Aziraphale's heart aches watching the video.

I'm sorry Crowley. I wanted to bring you with me. Wait- did he just say he loves me. Asshats? Im not entirely sure what that means. Oh my poor dear boy. I'll make things right when I see you again, I swear it.

Aziraphale wants to turn away so badly but he can't. He can feel tears pooling in his eyes. He's missed Crowley since he left and to see how badly his kind demon is taking it, feels like an icy dagger. Yes, Zira did leave technically, but he'd never abandon Crowley. Crowley did nothing wrong but Zira is just a bit mad because Crowley had every opportunity to come with him. Aziraphale wanted to tell Crowley so badly that he was in love with him at the book shop but he couldn't manage the words. Maybe if he had found the right words. They could have been together. In heaven.

In the picture Crowley is just sitting there with his head against the wall, lost in a trance. Then he just snaps out of it. Aziraphale's blood freezes in his veins at what he sees next. Holy water. What the hell is Crowley doing with holy water. Cheers? CHEERS!? With the word "amen" the video cuts to black.

The angel's feet act faster than his brain. He's running out the door before he knows what's happening. There isn't any time at all to waste. He flys past Janiel, outside his door who tries to greet him, and into the celestial elevator at the end of the hall. The only thing he can hear over that buzzing in his ears is the pounding of his heart. The doors feel like they take an eternity to close.

Celestial elevators vary in speeds but this specific elevator might be the slowest he's ever been in. My phone! I can call him. Aziraphale fumbles with his shaking hands. The phones ringing, ringing, ringing, declined. No, come on. Answer for the love of God. He redials but this time the call doesn't even go through. Panic really sets in. Finally the doors start to open. Aziraphale doesn't even wait for them to fully open before slipping out.

Aziraphale has never been inside Crowley's flat before but he walked him to the door once. There isn't a door on the hinges so the question to knock or not isn't an issue, not that Aziraphale was going to wait to think about it.

He rushes in, "Crowley! Crowley! Where are you? Please, Crowley, answer me! No please." Aziraphale doesn't know what to make of the destroyed apartment. Crowley must have been furious. All of the furniture was tossed around and broken. The couch was upside down. Crowley's phone is laying on the floor, smashed. "Oh, God, please don't let me be too late."

The state of the apartment is alarming but Aziraphale lets out a desperate scream at the scene in the kitchen. Without doubt he is too late. It reeks of smoke and sulfur. Zira couldn't accept this. Not his Crowley.

"Please. Please. No. No, no, no. No! You can't." The tears are rolling down his face. Breathing is an impossible task. "Crowl-crowl-crowl- no you can't." He begins to sob uncontrollably, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I-I-I," it's hard to form words through his ragged breath. "I take it all back! Please forgive me! Please! I- I take the whole thing back." The smell burns his eyes and nose. His stomach is in knots.

How could Crowley have done this? It really hits Aziraphale that he will never see his... Crowley ever again. This is abandonment. Aziraphale was always going to come back to Crowley. To never see him again was not an option. But this- this is just that. Aziraphale lets out a blood-curdling scream. It's inhuman, completely saturated with pain.

He feels like he's going to throw up. But instead he puts his fist through a wall. The whole wall cracks around the gapping hole with the force of the blow. "Why, Crowley? Why couldn't you have just come with me?" His sobs cause the yelling to gargle in his throat, "is your hate for heaven really this strong? You'd- you'd rather die than be with me there! God damn you!" He really can't breathe. No really, he's hyperventilating.

Aziraphale shuts his eyes so tight, willing it to be a bad dream. Maybe if he prays hard enough he'll open them and none of it will be real. When he does and it's the same waking-nightmare he has to figure his faith just wasn't strong enough to make it real. He kneels down, lifts his palms to the sky and wills it to be undone. He says a prayer, begging God to help him, "please Lord, I won't make it without him."

"It won't work," a familiar voice says. Aziraphale turns to see the Metatron standing in the doorway. "He's been completely destroyed. There's no body to resurrect nor soul to bring back. Only God themselves could bring him back and well he was a demon," the last world was said with a hateful tone. He didn't even know Crowley.

Aziraphale doesn't want to been seen like this but there's nothing he can do to stop himself from crying. The person that means the most to him in the whole world is gone. 6000 years I've know you and now I just have to stop? I will never be able to make this right. Aziraphale drops into the floor, forehead on the ground and cries.

The Metatron has no comfort to offer, "there is much work to be done. Take the time you need to calm down and I will wait for you outside." Just like that he leaves.

***
Oof this one hurt to write. I still can't decide if the Metatron is bad or not but he's definitely not trust worthy. If this chapter didn't make you cry the next probably will.