Repellent

11- Reassuring Smirks and Three Little Words

*First Draft

Roman's hand still clutches mine as he utters the words, "It's time."

My heart is at a standstill. We are going to try and land on a hostile planet. I wish I was made stronger. The only place I have ever known was Cerise, a tiny pink desert with little resource, unemotional residents, and one human establishment that was mostly empty. My previous desires mock me. Didn't I always yearn for adventure? For something more?

I'm used to indifference but now I'm going to a place whose occupants will want to tear me apart and spit me out.

Forcing my lips into a smile, I squeeze Roman's hand. All the terror and thousands of questions want to escape my lips, but I swallow them down. The only word that I allow to come out is, "Okay."

Awkwardly, Roman helps me out of the pod, and the way his gentle grasp seizes me, squeezes the neglected organ inside my chest. This care that he is showing me is entirely new for him, I realize. He is doing a good job, considering. Maybe being stranded on a hostile planet with him won't be the worst thing in the world. An adventure in more ways than one.

When my feet land on the floor, he studies my face.

"What are you thinking?" he asks hesitantly.

"I think for a man who has never been close to anyone, you are doing a good job trying to reassure me."

Sighing harshly, he turns away and heads toward the cockpit. Little flutters of anxiety take hold as I follow behind. I shouldn't have said anything. He only pulls away when I speak of any tender feelings for him.

He settles into the pilot seat and I sink down in the one next to him. I can't keep my eyes off him.

He must have shaved while I was sleeping. Smooth skin replaced the gruff that was there before, giving me a clear view of his hard face. His bruises from Ethan's attack have faded, and his upper lip slightly curves upward. A permanent snarl.

Those lips had felt so rough against my own. I wonder what they would feel like without the chaffing of a beard.

Is he unafraid of everything? So unaffected he seems of our impending doom. He confidently flips switches and presses buttons on the control board. Like it is just another day, like we are headed somewhere innocuous and not horrifying.

I am a disease. Those words echo like knife wounds to my gut. If he lets me love him, I would try everything in my power to never let him feel that way again.

If he lets me love him. Obviously, I couldn't love him yet, but I feel like I'm heading that way.

Eventually, his jaw clenches under my long scrutiny, and with slight contrition, I turn to look out the window.

Stunned, I take in the beautiful view. How could such a place be terrifying? Close ahead is the planet, Xylo, luscious and vibrant. I've never seen anything so green.

"Did you contact your not-friends?" I ask quietly.

"Yes," he grunts.

"Someone will come for us?"

"They will. I have a communicator so that we can contact them."

"They know about me?"

"Jade," his penetrating black gaze turns to me, "you will not be left behind."

"Alright. Are you scared? You don't look scared."

"Fear will only get us killed," he answers bluntly.

"So...no, then?" I practically squeak.

He smirks and my heart races. I clench my sweaty palms together and shift nervously.