Sparks Will Fly

Kevin's Heart

Fall 2023

Nolia

"All in your mind with fears that would come true. The back of my mind, the back of my mind was you... wishing that I could blind myself from view and only have eyes— and only have eyes for you." - J.Cole 

    "Mommy, up" Solie cries as she stretches up her arms for me to pick her up.

    "Sol– I'm trying to cook us some dinner right now... can you please wait for mommy?" I plead with my impatient two year old, who clearly doesn't give a shit about anything else except what she wants. Toddlers should really practice some type of empathy. Sol scrunches up her face and then blows out a large cry that feels like it's coming from the pits of her hell. I groan as I bend down to pick her up and hoist her on my hip, turn off the stove and remove the pot of tomato soup from the burner.

    Walking from the kitchen into the living room, I bounce Sol up and down softly in my arms.    

    "Nolia!" Kevin's loud and deep voice booms through the house as I hear his suitcases rolling down the wooden floors of our hallway coming from our bedroom... shit, I mean my bedroom. It's gonna take some time getting adjusted to say mine instead of ours.

    "Yeah?" I respond with clear agitation.

    He pauses a few feet from me holding onto the handles of his suitcases.

    "I'm heading out."

    "Okay." I kiss the top of Sol's messy curly hair that's bunched up in a loose ponytail on her head. She gave me struggles this morning to do her hair, and this messy bun was the only thing I could do for her in order for me to continue getting myself ready.

    "Can I tell her bye?" Kevin asks.

    I shrug, as I try to hand her over to him but he shakes his head and instead leans in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. Rolling my eyes, I step away from him steadily holding onto my oblivious daughter.... must be nice.

    "I'll be at my parents house if you need me."

    "Cool." I respond bitterly.

    "Nolia..." he pauses, and immediately, I already know what his ass is going to say and I refuse to hear this damn conversation again. 

    "Kevin– don't you start. I'm not fooling with your shit again. I'll call you later this evening so that you can tell Sol goodnight and vice versa."

    Kevin sighs, and exits out of the house– our house— my house.... Our home. Shit– this is hard and you know what's even harder? Experiencing this with a two year old and having the divorce finalization expedited. I wasn't playing and wanted to drop the last name of Thompson fast as fuck. Thankfully, Kevin didn't contest to me wanting a divorce, I mean for heaven's sake the nigga cheated on me with his best-friend Sabrina. It took everything in me not to beat her ass after I found out that they were fucking on the low since he and I got married.

Now, I'm back to being a Reed again after two years. Never thought I'd be a Reed again and with a child. I place Sole on the couch to play with her toys scattered around and spreaded across the living room, while I grab the constant ringing phone and see five mixed calls from my literary agent.

    "Hey Rachel" I say, answering after the first ring.

    "Nolia! Your diary blog– the one that you wrote about some guy.... Shit what was his name?" she rambles.

    "Cody?" I respond quietly, as I turn on the tv mounted on the nearest wall in front of the couch in order for Sol to watch a bit of Cocomelon, while I continue speaking with Rachel.