It was a Friday night, and people carried out the plans they had waited the rest of the week for. Some people chose solo activities, maybe due to lack of social battery, lack of people to agree to their plans, or simply personal preference. Florida Man usually had other people to kill this time of week with, but today, he wanted some alone time for once. He had something really good, something worth turning down a party for, even.
Florida Man looked through his bookshelf, filing through it for what satisfied his needs. It was a book that would appeal to his deepest desires, one that he would consider a soulmate of sorts. He went to his bed and laid on his stomach, eyes locked on the book's contents as he continually shifted leg positions like a fashion model. Each word read like scripture to him, filling him up with unbridled pleasure. He licked his lips as he turned the pages, placing a finger in his mouth at one point as the contents stimulated his mind. As Florida Man flipped from page to page, the sound of his door opening didn't even register to him.
Ellis walked into his room, heart-shaped sunglasses on her head and smelling noticeably of fruity cocktails. "Damn, Ems. What are you reading this time?" Ellis asked, leaning against the wall for support.
Florida Man looked up from what he was intently reading and turned his head, eyes narrowing from annoyance. "The Merriam-Webster dictionary. As a matter of fact and not personal opinion, it's the single greatest English-language book."
"And what sources do you have to back it up?" Ellis laughed, shifting her leaning position.
"Everything I say is right." Florida Man tilted his head up, smiling smugly as he did so.
"Yeah, okay, dumb dumb," Ellis jibed, laughing as she did so.
"Try harder, Ellis." Florida Man pushed his glasses up, ready to go on an anime protagonist-style speech. "This," he said, holding the book up, page facing Ellis, "contains every word in the English language that's been used enough to have a standardized definition for. I'm serious when I say that reading this cover-to-cover for the first time changed my life. I'd gladly do it again, and the only reason I don't do it more often is because I have a brain condition that makes me not have enough of a chemical or something."
"Dopamine. It's called dopamine. You and I both lack it," she replied, showing off her brain knowledge.
"Yes, it makes me really easily distracted and kind of an asshat when I get impatient, which is all of the time."
"Fair point." Ellis laughed, adjusting herself back up when she almost slipped. "What's the deal with that book you're reading, again?"
"I told you, it's the greatest book in the English language, ever!" Florida Man pouted. "You wanna know more facts about the language, I'll tell you 'em! Did you know that 'goose' and 'moose' don't have the same plural syntax because 'geese' uses the pattern associated with 'foot/feet' and 'tooth/teeth,' while 'moose' originates from Algonquian, a Native American language, and lacks an etymological reason to be pluralized the same way?" He rattled off facts, passion emanating from every word.
"I like your funny words, magic man," Ellis said. "They turn me on."
Florida Man laughed. "Glad to know you like this just as much as I do."
"Your boyfriend's a lucky fuckin' person. Do you say this stuff to them as you have fun times together in that bed?"
"That is classified information. Anyway–"
"Ehe. I wouldn't be surprised if you did, anyway. I'll be honest, when I first met you, I didn't expect you to be this much of a nerd about your words."
"Do I come off as an idiot to you?" Florida Man "hmphed" as he finished his sentence.
"That is also classified information." Ellis smirked.
Florida Man actually got up and put down his precious Merriam-Webster dictionary just to respond to that. He went up to Ellis and made unbreaking eye contact. "Just don't insult the dictionary. I'm un-bestie-ing you if you do that, and your family will not find the remains."
Ellis laughed at that comment. "Sure." She reached out for a high five, which Florida Man responded to with great force. Looks like Florida Man wouldn't be geeking out to the English language alone that night.
