All I Ever Wanted

Not Much has Changed

I was just about to go home when I got a text from our group-chat. It's just about homecoming, so I figured it would be me and my 3 friends. I wish I was right. We're Juniors and I figured that since the last two years we did homecoming pictures and dinner, it would be the same. I reached out about 3 weeks ago for this reason, but no one responded. My bestfriends mom did say that Daniel, my bestfriend, did want to. 

Though, when I checked my phone it was a big group-chat one that had 11 other people. Sebastian one of my friends in the small group asked everyone about doing pictures and dinner before homecoming. As if I didn't already feel like I wasn't really part of the group this was a big blow. I texted our Big Four group-chat and asked if the 4 of us were going to do anything, when Sebastian said no, I told him not to include me. I have social anxiety the only reason I went freshmen year was because I was on homecoming court and was required to. Last year I went since we were doing the dinner and pictures, but this year no longer being us four makes me not want to go at all. 

I have social anxiety so homecoming is a challenge the first year I cried and hid in the bathroom for half of it and last year I left early. Though, this year I was going to ask a guy to go with me. his name was Carmine he's a senior, a huge flirt, and he plays music as I do. Though, I don't really talk to him, and I'm the only girl he doesn't flirt with. I decided to text Sebastian's mom, I have everyone in our core groups parents phone number. I texted her just saying that I wouldn't be joining so not to count me in for reservations. I hoped that since she loved me she would either get on to her son, or doing something, but being that Sebstian can get away with murder I doubt that happened. 

I didn't want to wallow in self-pity, so I got into my Jeep and blasted a few of my favorite songs. The ones that stood out were High Water, Take Me Back to Eden, and Is it Really You(ft. Teenage Wrist.) We live in Fort Lauderdale, so close to the beach. I decided to take the 10 minute drive, to it, because even though I hate it, at sunset it's a great way to stop thinking and relax. I go to the beach and opened up the half soft-top. I climbed up and sat on the hard top, once up there I turned my music back on, being that it turned off when I shut of the truck and checked my phone. I saw a text from Daniel.

"Hey Violet, where are you? I want to stop by." I saw him text. Normally when I'm at the beach I like to be alone, though today was different. I was upset because I felt alone, so why would I go to my escape from people. 

"At the beach, behind the big apartment building" I texted back quickly. Daniel for years was my perfect boy. I had a crush on him for several years, we were the exact same and different at the same time. We both love good arguments and debate, both way too smart for our own good, and overthinkers who could comfort each other. After a year of being friends I told him my feelings, but he did not reciprocate. I spent the next three getting over him, and that was just a couple weeks ago. Though even if we have the same personality we couldn't be more different, I was a person who suffered with people, he only comforted, I was creative and like art, writing, and music, he like analytical things and acting, but we look very different as well. I introduced him to heavy music about six months after we became friends, I think he took it and ran, he listens to much heavier music, but dresses plainly. I on the other hand always sport a band T-shirt and listen to all music, I like some of the brutality but also like country, pop, blues, and more. I continued to think, but eventually heard him pull up beside me. He has a small black SUV, so he climbed up to my vehicle. I laid my head on his shoulder after a little while, and just stared as the sun started to set. 

"So, why are we here?" he questioned, "What are you thinking about?" He knows me better than anyone, all the dark parts of my life before I moved here, my vices, and my thoughts.

"Homecoming," I laughed, what a petty thing to sulk over. "I really only bought a ticket this year because I have fun before it."

"Yea, I know" he laid his head on mine. "I don't like it either, but we can't control it. For the record I'm not going with them either."