It was a cool and quiet night in Possum Springs and at this time I should be asleep, but unfortunately that same night I had tried coffee for the first time and wasn't aware of how hyper it makes you and how much of a bad idea it is to have so much of it this time at night.
Everything just felt...jittery? Like? The kind of buzz you get when you're drunk?
I will admit that it kind of reminded me of that party in the woods.
Soon I saw my laptop; the internet was truly an oasis of safety in these confusing and maybe dire times. Of course I was on it almost immediately but a few moments later I forgot what I wanted to do.
No one was online this late but it didn't matter since I just typed out random messages, paws flying over the keys.
'hey guys I know no one is online right now but I just really wanted to type stuff'
'oh god I just realized the time'
'hahaa it's like past 11 wow this is pretty new'
'but hey whoa you guys ever get the feeling like that you can do whatever you want and it won't matter'
'like okay I just kind wanna climb something or jump out of a window'
'not like a wimpy little window'
'like a really big window'
'like at a height where you could kill yourself if you jumped through it'
I paused for a moment, realizing what my crazy and jumpy mind had just caused me to type in a kind of jittery episode. Started thinking that maybe I'm just describing this odd feeling wrong. Jumping out of a window seems perfectly possible - I had done it before.
And that maybe I'm just bringing it up because it seems death-defying. I thought that was the reason, but still....
I really really wanted to do it.
My eyes slid over to the window and I giggled as I looked at my own reflection. 'Nightmare eyes' my mind seemed to whisper. The moon was full and bright, casting light over just about everything.
Slowly I opened the window, swung my legs out over the edge.
'Do it do it do it' a voice chanted in my head.
I started to shake, then smile, then cry. I had no idea where they came from and why, but the height was nauseating and practically begging me to fall from it.
The rush of doing something dangerous and stupid had gotten to me and before I knew it I was getting closer to the ground in seconds and closed my eyes.
And that's when I hit it, HARD.
..........
But then it spoke.
"Dude! Mae! Mae what the fuck, man?"
It was weird, I never remembered the grass being so rock hard before. And also warm, and squirming.
The energy high that came from the coffee was gone and I was getting tired, with my ears ringing and eyes watering. On top of it all I just wanted to collapse, on my bed, for like five or so years.
Everything was hurting about now, I think. No idea....just numb.
"MAE! Mae, come on dude! Answer me! A-Are you okay?"
Hold up, I suddenly thought, I know that voice. Although the ringing continued and my vision was blackening out I was able to sit up anyway on the ground which was no longer my very concerned best friend.
At first it was all shapes, lifeless objects.....
But then everything became clear. The bright orange coloured fur of Gregg who was in my backyard at nearly one in the morning for some ridiculous reason.
"Guh.......Mghhh.....Freakin'.......dizzy......." I couldn't exactly form a proper sentence just yet.
"MAE! Oh thank GOD!" Gregg exclaimed, happy and relieved and terrified at the same time.
"M'sorry," I muttered. He scrambled around on the ground to get a good look of what an idiotic and sore moron I probably was. I just stared up at the stars, internally screaming and cursing at WhateverGod for allowing me to do such a thing.
Curse coffee, never again. But it's only a matter of time before I crash to go with all this burning.
"Mae! Hey hey hey hey! No no don't fall asleep on me! Are you hurt did someone say something- hey!" Gregg lightly shook me to pull me out of my thoughts.
Even though my mind and body wanted me to stay perfectly still all night I tried to stand up but instantly fell back down with a sudden dizzy spell that felt worse than a million tiny hammers smashing into my skull at once. It hurt and seemed to throw everything off.
"Whoa! Hey hey hey hey, it's okay. I'm here, I'm here. Dude. Dude, what is going on with you tonight?"
"........Ggggghhhhhggg," I said softly, trying to get over this dizzy spell and thankfully finding some success.
"Mae, I'm serious. Please talk to me here I'm having a literal heart attack."
"I don't.....I don't even KNOW, man....I just...."
"'You just'.....?"
No point telling him about the coffee just yet, I reckoned. "Like, I was trying to sleep, yeah?"
"Yeah...."
"And? I just kinda got...all jittery. And I started having like. Intrusive thoughts, I guess. And then got the brilliant idea to jump out my window."
"Jesus Christ, Mae."
"Tell me about it."
"Freaking- I thought you were trying to kill yourself, man!"
"Eh. Now that I think about it I might have been."
"MAE!"
"Joking. I'm joking." Safe to say that coffee is never entering my body again, and as far as I know I've never been suicidal. And dying is not on my agenda for the next ten years or so, but people can change unfortunately so I'm not entirely certain.
"Well don't!" Gregg snapped back. "It's not funny!"
But despite the anger I could see the fear in his eyes before he hugged me and I gratefully accepted.
It wasn't long before Gregg spoke again. "What stuff were you thinking about, duder?"
Easy question, easy to answer. "Kinda bordering on bad stuff, thinking about everything that happened since I came back. Even college stuff, random things. The jitters just happened without my say-so, and-and then I just keep getting increasingly annoyed. Emotions suck, by the way."
Gregg nodded in agreement. "Emotions suck."
I heaved a sigh as I pulled away. "What are you doing here, anyway?" I asked.
His ears flattened at that and he looked away, anxiously scratching the back of his head. "I read your messages and got concerned, so I came over to see if you were okay. I didn't want to wake your parents so the plan was to stand outside your window and throw stones at it."
In spite of everything I rolled my eyes.
He continues: "But when I got there you were just sitting on the windowsill, smiling and crying? I tried to catch you when you fell but tripped and you landed on top of me."
There was a brief moment of silence.
"Well....I'm sorry I landed on you," I said eventually.
"It's fine, too bad you didn't break your leg," Gregg answered.
"Too bad you didn't get serial killed on your way here."
After a few more we ended up laughing our asses off in the grass, very very quietly which was good. Everyone needs a best friend like mine.
