I hate being jealous. I hate the thought of wanting what others have but can't have it myself. Yes being jealous is normal but I wish I didn't get jealous. It always hurts deep inside. But yet it's so easy for me to get jealous because I feel like everyone around me has everything I've ever wanted and I feel like I have nothing. Like others just naturally being great artist, or being able to see their partner, and even something like having a mom and or dad. I just feel like I don't have the things I've always wanted and yet others don't even need to try and think and they have it. And yeah sure I should be greatful for what I have and I am but I just wish I felt like I had something to be proud of. I have no great talents like others and I try so fucking hard and yet my efforts look like shit compared to people who don't even try and are just good. It just hurts me a little and I think to myself how useless I am and how I can't ever do anything correctly. And that sticks with me. But I wish I was good at something. I wish I didn't have to be jealous over things. I wish I could be the person others look up too. But that won't happen. I'll always just watch from afar and wish I had what others do. Who knows maybe it'll change. For now everything is the same.
