Ineffable Interludes: Good Omens

An Unexpected Decision

An Unexpected Decision

TW: gender identity, fertility, socially conscious conversation

PLAYLIST:

Road Less Traveled by Lauren Alaina

Mine by Taylor Swift

Aziraphale and Crowley had been going to Saint James Park since....before it was a park. They'd met there when it was still a field. In the fall, they took walks to view the foliage; in the winter, they fed the ducks and cuddled on the park bench; in the summer, they bought ice cream at the little cart by the pond; and in the spring, they had picnics.

"You spoil me, darling," Aziraphale remarked, spreading jam on his second scone. "I mean, really, I'm an angel, I should be the thoughtful one."

"It's not about being thoughtful." Crowley, lying on the stereotypical checkered blanket, raised his head to grin at the angel. "It's about being devious."

"Oh, well, you've certainly got me beat there."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Crowley said. "You're the one who sells one book a month yet manages to have a shop."

"Are you going to help me eat all these goodies or are you going to loll around like a snake?"

Crowley sat up and rummaged around in the picnic basket, which was full of high-end junk food. "You should have seen how much I ate while I was packing it. Had to quality test everything, you know. Can't have my angel getting sick."

Aziraphale snorted. "That's not what you said last time we had a drinking contest."

"Accidentally sick, then." He pulled out a Thermos. "Maybe some tea will help."

"The sort of tea you make? I doubt it." Aziraphale unscrewed the top and went to take a sip. "Crowley...is this champagne?"

"Way better than tea."

"You know alcohol isn't allowed in the park!"

"That's why it's a Thermos, isn't it?" Crowley motioned to a little family by the pond: a mother, a boy about eight years old, and a baby in a pram. "Fiver says that kid gets chased by a duck."

"No miracles?"

"No miracles."

"I'll take that action," Aziraphale decided. He sipped his 'tea'. "We should have brought some frozen peas for the ducks.They'll be disappointed."

"You could save them some grapes," Crowley suggested.

"Not a bad idea. Oh, look!"

The little boy they had bet on was trying to pet one of the ducks, and the animal wasn't having it.

"Oh, this is perfect," Crowley whispered. "Kid's antagonizing the duck, mum's not paying attention..."

"I should've brought popcorn," Aziraphale muttered sarcastically.

Then it happened: the little boy, sick of being rejected, kicked the duck like a football. The bird tumbled away, regained its footing and attacked, quacking in fury. The boy clearly had not expected his victim to retaliate; he took off toward his mother, crying. The duck pursued him with all the determination of a Spartan warrior, bent on revenge.

"Shoo." The boy's mother absently flapped her hands at the bird. "Shoo."

Crowley and Aziraphale were falling over each other laughing. The mother saw them, and hurried her son away.

"I win!" Crowley gasped through his giggles. "You owe me a fiver!"

"What a horrible little boy! He deserved to get chased." Aziraphale pulled a five-pound note from his wallet and tossed it at the demon. "Here, take it, before you giggle yourself into a serpent."

"We'll definitely have to feed the ducks our grapes now, after that show." Crowley flopped down with his head in the angel's lap. "Maybe even some of the strawberries."

"I wouldn't go that far."

"Do you ever think about having kids, angel?"

"What?"

"Kids," Crowley repeated. "We're married now. I've always had a soft spot for kids, and you've got more parental instincts than a mother hen."

"Crowley, dear, you just bet money on a child getting chase by a bird," Aziraphale said slowly. "That does not bode well for your parenting skills."

"Any kid we raised wouldn't be dumb enough or cruel enough to kick a duck."

"That's true," Aziraphale admitted. "Yes, I've thought about having a child. I'd like to. I just don't know how."

"That's the problem." Crowley cuddled closer to his husband. "Adoption or fostering would be difficult, given that neither of us have birth certificates. I know people who could forge them but--"

"That's hardly a good start to being a family." Aziraphale combed his fingers through Crowley's hair, which is exactly what the demon hoped he would do.

"What if one of us were to present as female?" Crowley asked a bit too casually.

Aziraphale's fingers went still. "Something tells me that you've been thinking about this for a long time...without telling me."

Crowley hid his face in the angel's plump, tartan-clad thigh. "Maybe."

"The offspring of angels and humans—the Nephilim—were monsters. There's no telling what the offspring of an angel and a demon would be. But whatever it is--"

"I know, angel, I just--"

"Whatever it is, we'll face it, together." Aziraphale leaned down and kissed the shell-shocked demon in his lap. "Yes, I want a baby. More than that, I want a baby with you. Let's go home and get started."

1. A short one, but the next one is long and important, so I decided to leave this on its own.