Kill Me, Kiss Me

FOURTY

      "KEIR!"

      Blinking, Keir's gaze grew sharp once more, but he did not look at Theo. He only took up his pen and went back to writing on his documents like he'd done was take a small breath, "Go sit down."

       The fear subsided slowly, sluggishly. It could not leave as quickly as it came. Theo could only bear it, sink down into the settee with hands clenched. He tried to recall all the other things he'd felt before Keir gave him his confession. Was there any relief when he held the gun? Had there been a sense of freedom? But no, all the images overlapped together, all he could recall was one blur after the next. Keir had been the one to hold the gun. Surely that wasn't right? He was the one who killed Keir! So how did it go again?

      Keir held the gun, I pulled the trigger.

      Theo closed his eyes shut and scrunched them so tight he could see specks of white in the darkness. He'd gotten so off tangent! But what could he do? Again and again, the image of that bloody hand reaching out for him invaded his mind. There was nothing else he could think of - always that image painted red. Had he made any process? The truth was this whole morning he'd done nothing but repeat Keir's words in his head. He'd nearly forgotten that this was a world he needed to escape from. Not just Keir or this house, but this whole world full of Hews, crimes and desperate investigators.

      When was the last time I thought about Lily? Yesterday? The day before? No, the life before?

       His tongue was dry in his mouth. How many times have he died? More than 5 now, but exactly how may? How many? He couldn't recall. This could not be happening. But it was. His memories were like a collection of photos scattered across the floor, dates smudged, some half-developed, leading to an oblivion. There was Mariah, Graham, Alexandr standing in his flat, crashing, Magda, her steak... There was Keir.

       Opening his eyes, Theo reached for a book, hesitated, reached out again, hesitated once more. With a sharp sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair instead and looked towards Keir. Their eyes collided. A jolt ran through his body at the sight of those dark irises.

      "You're quiet enough pet," Keir started lazily, "But if you keep squirming like that, we're not going to get any work done."

      Theo scowled and said under his breath, "Don't be such a child."

      Keir's eyebrow rose and a look of faint surprise took over his face. It lingered only a second before the corner of his lip rose, just an inch, "I'll show you just how much of a child I can be."

      There was no laugh in his voice, if it wasn't for the small smile gracing his lips, Theo would've thought it a threat. One time he would've been afraid. Now, he could smile back and say, "Can I borrow some pen and paper?"

      Keir studied him silently for a while before taking a few sheets from the left and beckoning him.

      Pushing off the chair, Theo stood and walked towards desk, reaching out a hand for the sheath of paper and pen. Before his fingertips could even touch the pile, a firm grip caught his hand. Keir's fingers wrapped tightly around his wrist. The man remained silent, but his eyes stared intently at where they were joined, as if confirming once and for all that what he had grasped was solid, was real.

      "What is it?" Theo tugged his hand backwards.

      Keir shook his head and loosened his fingers, "Do whatever you want."

      Narrowing his eyes a fraction, Theo took the paper and slowly retreated back to his seat. What was bothering Keir? There was something distracted about him today that was out of the ordinary. Usually Keir was good at hiding his emotional cues. But now, it was like his thoughts were somewhere far away, leaving his body unguarded and pliant. He gave out that pen too easily, especially when he wouldn't even allow a butter knife to appear on the table.