if you want some insight into your story from a reader's point of view, I'll help you improve what you might be doing wrong.
I hope I can help you:)
#1 in review 26/09/2023
#4 in reviewshop 29/09/2023
At first glance, the title doesn't strike any sense of curiosity in me. It's just named Mafia Family. I suggest you use more unique title.
Cover: ( 5/ 10 )
It's okay but not the best. There is no title and author's name. I would recommend working on the cover to make it more appealing. A simple flat picture with basic fonts might not attract readers. As people do judge books by their covers, investing more effort in the cover design could boost your readership.
Blurb: ( 3 / 10 )
I wouldn't say its not good, its engaging but it could use some editing. The blurb should entice readers to pick up your book, but this one fell short for me. I suggest reworking it to create a more captivating and enticing summary of your story.
Prologue: ( 4 / 10 )
It didn't immediately draw me in or make me eager to read further. Consider adding elements that create a stronger emotional connection or curiosity.
Pacing: ( 4 / 10 )
The pacing in the dialogue-heavy sections feels flat and lacks descriptive details, making it tiresome to read. Adding more vivid descriptions and maintaining a clear sense of progression in the story can improve the pacing.
Plot: ( 11/ 20 )
I found the plot somewhat unclear as the dialogue dominated with minimal story details in both the blurb and prologue. Adding more context and depth to the plot could enhance the reader's understanding and interest.
Characters: ( 4/ 10 )
The characters could use more development to make them relatable. Providing clearer background stories and distinct ways of speaking can help readers better understand their traits and personalities.
Grammar: ( 5/ 10 )
There were some punctuation errors and typos that should be addressed to improve the book's overall readability.
Engagement: ( 6 / 10 )
Engagement can be subjective, and while some readers might continue reading, the current level of engagement might lead others to drop out if they don't find it interesting enough. Finding ways to keep readers hooked chapter by chapter could improve engagement.
Overall: ( 46/ 100 )
Take this feedback as casual writing advice if you wrote this book for fun. However, if you're serious about your writing and wish to be taken seriously by your readers, please consider implementing these suggestions to enhance your book's overall quality. Remember, constructive feedback can be a valuable tool for improvement.
I think your story has great potential and could use some editing. You can do wonders if you remove the unnecessary dialogues and scenes. It will help you to rewrite it with better word choice. I'm sorry this review might be late. I liked the vibe this story gave me.
