When you smile

Chapter 47

I walk into the classroom, my heart heavy with a mixture of anticipation and fear. Raj is there, as always, with that warm, mischievous smile that has the power to light up the room. He's waiting for me to sit beside him, and I can feel his eyes on me, filled with affection.

But as much as I want to go to him, the fear clenches my heart like a vice. My eyes drift to nearby seat, there's Aman sitting alone, looking at me with a hint of confusion in his eyes. Without thinking, I make a decision and quickly move to sit beside Aman, avoiding Raj's gaze. I can't look at Raj right now; I can't face the hurt in his eyes. I can't do anything to make my dad hate me. I can't be gay; I can't become the target of people's cruelty again.

Aman, taken aback by my unexpected choice, meets my gaze. I force a smile, trying to hide the turmoil inside me, and say, "Hey."

Aman's response is subtle. He simply nods and offers a faint smile.

My phone dings, and I retrieve it from my pocket. The notification is from Raj, and I see his message asking if everything is okay. My throat tightens as I read the words, and I turn my gaze back to him, sitting in his seat, still waiting for me to join him. His eyes are filled with concern and confusion, and I can't bring myself to answer.

What could I possibly say to him? How can I explain the turmoil within me, the fear of being something I can't change, the dread of becoming a target once more? There are no words that can capture the storm of emotions raging within me, so I simply look away, unable to meet his gaze, and leave his message unanswered. It's a silence that speaks volumes, a silence that separates us further when all I want is to bridge the gap

The teacher's monotonous voice drones on, discussing the intricate details of lung capacity, but it's like a distant echo in the background as I wrestle with a suffocating sensation. It feels as if my own lungs have betrayed me, withholding the precious air I need to breathe. The textbooks lay open before me, their pages a jumble of indecipherable words. Yet, amidst this academic chaos, my thoughts are consumed by that one person - Raj.

I can sense Raj's gaze on me from behind, and it tugs at my heart like a bittersweet ache. Those once-familiar green eyes, warm as emeralds with a hint of gold, used to offer me solace that I now desperately long for. My fingers twitch involuntarily, craving the reassuring touch of Raj's hand against mine.

Aman's voice pierces through my reverie, grounding me in the present. "That's incorrect," he comments, his focus on my notebook. I snap back to reality, disoriented for a moment.

"Hmm?" I mumble, my thoughts still entangled in memories of Raj. Aman repeats himself, pointing at my notebook insistently. "The average ERV is 1100ml, not 100ml."

"Oh?" My eyes shift to the chalkboard where I should be taking notes. Aman is right.

"Thank you," I stammer, feeling a tinge of embarrassment for my momentary lapse.

Aman meets my gaze, and an uncanny similarity strikes me. His eyes share the same shade of green as Raj's, with that familiar warmth and depth. It's almost as if fate is playing tricks on me.He nods in acknowledgment, returning his attention to his notebook. I can't help but notice the details of his appearance. He's on the slender side, a testament to his dedication to studies. His blue glasses frame his studious expression, emphasizing his scholarly demeanor.

With his pen poised near his lips, he absorbs information from his textbook. It's a thoughtful gesture, and he briefly licks his bottom lip before jotting something down.

Aman turns to me, and a subtle flush colors his cheeks as he lowers his gaze back to his notebook.

Caught in this unexpected moment, I realize I've been staring for a bit too long. My cheeks warm with embarrassment at my own awareness. In a hasty attempt to redirect my gaze, I fix my attention firmly on the chalkboard, scrambling to capture the teacher's words.