Sleepwalking // Sam Fender

35

When I arrived at Newcastle's train station, Sam was nowhere to be seen as I told him. I started walking down Neville Street when I heard someone called my name.

"Alice!" A male voice called. I turn around only to be met by Liam calling me from his car. "I'm giving you a ride home" He informed.

I doubted for a few seconds as I wanted to be by myself for at least a good couple of minutes but I got in the car in complete silence. Liam decided not to say a word until a few minutes had passed.

"Sam told me to come pick you up. He told me that you two had a fight" I was looking out the window and stayed in silence. "I heard the songs too, you know. We told him not to record them but" Liam sighed.

I was once again crying. My head was already aching and my heart had already broken into small pieces. I had moved to England to start a new life, without getting involved in any type of drama because I was exhausted of that. I had made up my mind and Alex was the last musician I was ever going to date. Not even three years later, I was still in the very same position as I was when me and Alex decided to call things off, but now I was by myself in an unknown country and the centre of my life where the Fenders. My life revolved around Sam Fender, his family and his friends.

Liam decided not to speak up again and limited himself to get my carry-on bag from the trunk of the car and leave it in my room, upstairs. Well, in Sam's room as well still. The house was filled with an odd silence, if we bare into mind that there were usually two children running around, laughing and shouting. The silence made me shiver as my own house felt strange to me without Beth running into my arms, or Elliott's baby laughter, or Sam's typical greeting. What I did find was a post-it note written by Sam in which I could read: The kids are at my mam's. Sam.

"I can take you to my mam's if you want" Liam offered in almost a whisper. His hands were in his pocket and he had waited for me in silence as I walked around the oddly big house while trying not to cry.

"I don't want to be a burden" I said while looking down at the post-it that I held in my hands.

"Hey, Alice" Liam walked closer to me and leaned down to look into my eyes. "You're not a burden love and I was going to my mam's anyways" I looked up to him and nodded softly.

Liam drove us to Shirley's and knocked on the door, which was opened by a concerned-looking Shirley. I did not really feel comfortable with the entire Fender family knowing about our fight but I guess Sam had some explaining to do. It was then when I saw him walked behind his mother with a plain grey shirt, black pyjamas bottoms and a half-asleep Elliott in his arms. My heart sunk at that sight. I loved that man more than I had ever loved anyone, myself included. And it pissed me off that we were in that situation. He stopped on his feet, took a quick look at Liam and me while slowly biting his lower lips and kept walking into the kitchen.

"Come in, honey" Shirley softly said. I replied with a thank you that come out as a whisper.

"Mommy!" Beth came running to me. I kneeled down to her height and hugged her.

"Hello, love" I kissed her head softly. "How are you?"

"Sam taught me to play guitar and I know how to play a song by this band called The Beties" She said.

"It's The Beatles" Sam corrected Beth. I hadn't noticed that he was leaned in the door frame, while softly patting Elliott in his back. "Hey" He then greeted me softly.

I was not exactly angry when I saw him. I was rather sad and I even felt a slight inch of pity for him but I had to remind myself that last time I forgave him way too fast as we were having a baby. This time, I decided that I needed to stand my ground for at least a couple of days.

"Hey" I greeted him back. Both of us stayed in silence, analysing the other's face. Sam had got his hair cut and it was shorter now. I knew he hadn't told me about it because he either wanted to surprise me with his new hair or he was unsure about how he looked. "I like it" Sam frowned lightly. "Your haircut"

Sam nodded. "Aye, thank you. New album, new haircut I guess"

"Alright, we have to go. I start working in half an hour" Liam told me.

"I can take you home if you want to stay for a bit longer" Sam offered, only to receive an angry look from his brother.

"You've already done enough, kid. Let her clear her head up by herself, aye?"

I ended up in Liam's car once again, who drove the three of us home. Shirley had told me that Elliott was ready to go to sleep so when we got home, I put him on his crib and sang a lullaby for him. Then, I opened the fridge to see if we had anything we could have for dinner and there were some leftovers with another post-it by Sam in which it could be read: For Alice. That post-it also included a heart next to my name. Sam had made my favourite meal (that he was able to cook) which was mainly rice with omelette, peas and small pieces of carrot. Something simple but Sam was really not a great cook.

I smiled softly and tried my best not to cry while I heated the left in the microwave as Beth was watching TV in the living room, right next to the kitchen. I called her to dinner and she smiled when she saw that Sam had cooked dinner for us.

"Where's Sam, mommy?" Beth obviously asked.

"He's staying at Shirley's for a few days" Beth frowned.

"Why?" I lifted my shoulders.

"Me and Sam had a bit of a fight and we need some space for ourselves, okay darling?" Beth nodded.

"But is he coming back? Because I really like him and I don't want to visit him as I visit dad" At that moment, I started crying. My concerned daughter jumped out of her seat and came to give me a hug. I sat her on my lap and she rested her head against my chest.

"I am sorry, baby" I said.

"It's okay. You know, you are really pretty, mommy and I like it when you make pancakes for us on Sundays" Beth had learnt that from Sam. Whenever Beth was sad, Sam would take his time to tell Beth how pretty she was and to remind her of all the things she loved and that she did right. "And I like it when we go to the beach even if it is rainy" I smiled sadly at her while caressing her cheek, softly.

"Do you, love?" I dried my tears with my free hand as I kept on caressing my daughter.

"Yes and I think you are funny if your jokes are weird sometimes and Sam doesn't find them funny" Beth made me laugh softly.

"Do you want to watch a movie with me before going to sleep?" I asked her. She nodded energetically.

"Can we please watch The Jungle Book?" Beth asked.

I nodded and gave her a slight smile.

I spent that night trying to sleep while taking in Sam's smelt from his side of the bed. This happened for longer than I would have liked, up to a point where his smelt was gone. I knew for sure that we were going to make it through this but not knowing how or when ruined me for days. Until one morning, two weeks after our fight, there was a knock on the front door while I was making sure that Beth was taking her bath.

"I'll be back, okay? Behave" Beth didn't really need to be told to behave as she always did. Elliott was in the living room, in a small area we had for him, closed with plastic fences so he wasn't able to get out.

I sighed before opening the door as I was not ready for any kind of social interaction with anyone, really. I opened the door to find Sam standing there, guitar in hand and a couple of white tulips in the floor.

"I hadn't think about how to carry all of this with only two hands and I need my guitar so I'm sorry about the flowers"