One shots

A memory

TW suicide, trauma

(Song - Experience by ibi)

A memory surfaced...

As i walked towards the thing that kept me up at night, the thing that soaked my pillow in tears and the thing that left me broke.

If someone told you that they feared a tree you would think they were crazy...

Until you know what really happened.

Every time i close my eyes i can see him...

Why? I ask...why does my past continue to torture me every time i close my eyes...

I walk up the hill along the damp grass as the water seeps into my shoes making my socks wet, but i carried on walking unbothered by the squelching every time i took a step towards the thing i feared the most.

The tree at the top of the hill.

I reach the top and there it is standing tall, the branches bare as the brown leaves littered the ground where I once sat with him.

I extend my hand towards the tree, moving slowly as my finger tips are met with the cold, rough bark. Sending a chill down my spine I closed my eyes and there he was...

We were running up the hill as the sun smiled down upon us as we ran until our lungs were sore up the hill collapsing with laughter at the foot of the tree under its bright green leaves.

Sun beams shone through the leaves as they painted his face in the most flattering light, my mind reminding me of how his baby blue eyes reminded me of a clear sky and how the sun could never match how brightly he smiled.

I thought nothing in the world could ever be perfect, until i lived in this moment creating a memory that i knew would stay with me until the day my heart gave its final beat.

Carving our initials into the surface of the tree as we linked our fingers like children promising that we would stay by each other's side forever and ever.

We climb the tree to the highest point looking over at the field of greens that surrounded us at every turn watching the people as tiny as ants go about their days as if they were living forever.

I opened my eyes to be met with the foggy grey air as my tears burned in the cold as they trailed down my face and i could see every breath i took.

I sat under the tree looking at the green grass that had lost its brightness as the rain caused it to suffocate.

I sit and thought...

I thought about how i didn't notice all the signs he was showing me.

I thought about how i was blind towards what was going on behind closed doors.

I thought about the note that was taped to the tree as i climbed the hill to meet him as we did every day to be met with the thing that would haunt me for the rest of my life and weigh me down with every breath, step and stride i took to this point in time.

I took the piece of paper that would answer questions for the ones who wont be able to say goodbye and watch me reclaim my peace.

Reaching for the branches i climbed the tree. And sat on the same branch where you took flight, and reclaimed your peace.

I sat on this branch with this memory playing in my head as i closed my eyes and relived it once again looking up towards him as the sun peered through the clouds and he smiled at me once again.

I knew i would see him again.

Standing on the branch i looked down at the ground thinking how my feet would never touch the ground again.

But it's all worth the sacrifice if it meant i could see him again...

And that's when i saw him. Waiting for me at the bottom of the tree waiting for me to jump into his arms...

And i did

And i was right my feet never touched the ground again....