WITH YOU | TWD

[31] I'M SORRY

"Everybody okay?" Rick asked and everyone turned their attention towards him.

Charlie couldn't even look at him - still ashamed and guilty for what she had done. That's why she continued eating whatever was in her bowl. "What about you?" asked Hershel when Glenn confirmed that everyone was fine.

"I cleared out the boiler block," he answered and passed them.

"How many were there?" asked Glenn.

"I don't know.A dozen, two dozens," Rick shrugged. "I have to get back. Just wanted to check on Carl."

Charlie's head snapped up after his words. Carl? What about the baby? Their gazes met and she fought herself to keep it up, she also wanted to show her disapproval. But Rick didn't care about her angry stare just as he didn't care about his daughter, so he turned his eyes away.

She wanted to make a scene and throw questions at Rick, but it was impossible. Charlie was the reason for his behavior.

"Everyone have a gun and a knife?" a cop asked as he looked away from Reed.

"Yeah. We're running low on ammo, though," Daryl nodded.

"Maggie and me were planning on making a run this afternoon," Glenn reported. "Found a phone book with some places we can hit, look for bullets and formula."

"We cleared the generator room," said Daryl. "Axel's there trying to fix it in case of emergency. We're gonna sweep the lower levels as well."

"Good," Rick nodded. "Good," he repeated and headed to doors.

He ignored the calls and just followed his own mind.

It was all killing her inside. Lori wasn't the only problem now. The whole group's dynamic was broken due to Rick's absence. He wasn't just a member of the group, he was the leader who was making decisions for past eight months. They tried to be happy that the baby was healthy and getting better with each day, but the shadow of Lori's death was following them on every step. "You don't want to hold her?" she heard a question.

"Is he any better?" Charlie asked ignoring Hershel's question.

"No," he answered. "He's going mad."

Charlie looked at the older man and let out the air. "That's all on me."

"Don't say things like that," Hershel shook his head. "You did the right thing."

"Making both Carl and this girl orphans was the right thing?" she looked away. "I should have let them both die."

"Charlie..." said concerned Hershel, letting go of her shoulder.

"I made a promise to Lori," she said after a moment of silence. "And I will have to break it."

"Those kids have no one but you."

"They have all of you," Charlie said. "And they still have a father."

In that moment, she knew that there's a way to walk away from her responsibility. Hershel with his soft reasoning couldn't help, but Charlie wouldn't pat Rick's back. She was going down to talk him out of his madness.

"May I?"

Rick looked at her, but he said nothing.

"You saved my life Rick. All of us," Charlie said. "More than once."

Silence.

"She wanted me to keep an eye on Carl and the baby," Charlie said. "I promised her that."

"She was sorry for what had happened between us," Rick interrupted. "We could have talked it out."

"I understand what you feel," she said. "You're...taking your time...You were strong for so long. I know you want to get away from this...we all do."

"You know nothing, Charlie," he leaned in. His voice turned colder and rougher. "It's not safe here. I'm waiting for a call."

Charlie was looking at Rick who wasn't even the shadow of what he once was. She said to his back. "Your daughter needs you."

He turned around and looked at her with nothing, but emptiness in his eyes. "This is not my daughter."

"Well...he's dead. Should have thought about it before killing him," Charlie noticed. "So what about Carl? You've been torturing him. He doesn't get to be sad about his mom's death?"

"Stop it!" he screamed, making Charlie jump. "Lori didn't die! She was killed!" he added and pushed the chair so it fell on the ground.

"I know!" Charlie snapped. "Because I'm the one who killed her! With those hands!"

"You better go now," he swallowed and raised his hands.

"No," Charlie shook her head. "You're no longer the leader. You don't get to tell me what I should do! You're going to listen to me!" she yelled and stepped forward. "I promised your wife to take care of your children, and I am keeping my promise. Carl needs you. He is left with a baby, while he is still a baby! Whether you like it or not, you have a daughter. And they need you."

Rick raised his eyebrows in awe.

"I killed your wife. I made you like this and I made your kids an orphans. I will have to live with this to the day I die, and believe me I already hate every second of this life. I hear her in Carl's voice, I see her in your daughter's face. But I did that. I killed your wife," she said with a hoarse voice. "So don't make your kids life miserable, while I'm the one to blame. I'm...sorry. I'm sorry."

Sob break through her lips, and hot tears became running down her cheeks. After a moment she felt his hands on her shoulder, and tight squeeze. "It's all right," he whispered and one of his hands ran down her hair.

Silence Thank you fell from Rick's lips as he was holding his daughter for the first time. His face was curved in a smile as he was looking at the little girl, walking outside to show his little girl the world and so she could soak in the sunrise - and that brought a hope that maybe one day, Charlie would be able to do the same to the girl.

"She looks like you," Rick smiled at Carl as they went out with the baby.

"Big brother Carl," Charlie remembered how he said it on the farm, which only made his smile bigger. She turned her gaze towards the gate, initially to see any signs for Glenn and Maggie, and then her smile dropped. "Rick."

The man placed his baby into Carl's hands and walked towards the gate.