To Lovingly Hate You

Willow

Adeline POV

I lay wide awake, staring at the stream of moonlight shining through the windows, cringing at the breathing figure beside me.

It's been two hours I think of tossing and turning, and of course untangling myself from the arms of the snoring asshole who of course crashed right after I got off of him... as per usual.

I know I'm good at this, I know that because the other party involved always passes out right after the final moment. As for me, I already got up and cleaned myself up in the bathroom by taking a shower and changed my clothes into something more comfortable than what I'd strategically worn before, and now I've been trying to go to sleep for once after, but nope. I stared with daggers at Grant, now that all of that's out of my system, I usually just get upset.

And like usual... I'm upset.

I'm upset that I had to use my lure so many times, which is funny because I always do. No, I don't use it to persuade them to have sex with me, that's not the problem at all, I have to use it to stop them from doing what I don't want them to, because especially the popular boys don't like to listen. So I instead have to lure them in the right direction, which is just basic, normal, raw sex. I don't want anything else from them, I say that when they get here every time, they agree at first every time. But then they'll try to pin my hands, pull my hair in a way that just straight up hurts, try to "spank" me or whatever which I don't like in the slightest, try to determine the position that benefits them more than anything else, I could go on! So yes... I hate that part of this a whole lot.

Second, I feel... gross after. Unfortunately, merpeople tend to have quite the drive for this stuff, I genuinely feel the need at first. But then after, when they're fast asleep and I'm fixing myself up in the bathroom, I just feel... shitty. It's so horrid, I can't fucking win. My sense of clarity returns right away, only to be clouded again in a week or two. And it's only gonna get worse as I get older, so... I'm fucked!

Third... I don't like cuddling, and these dudes get so handsy afterward! Even in their sleep! It's like they get clingy or something! I'm constantly wrestling my way out of their arms and legs after they've fallen asleep, also... I hate people in my bed.

My sleeping space is a sanctuary, merpeople sleep differently than humans after all. The sea is unforgiving, therefore our instincts are very different. Despite being predators rather than prey predominantly, on the same level as sharks in the ocean, we're very on guard all of the time. I've learned to try and chill out, but for the most part, it's like being paranoid almost all of the time. So my bed is one of the only places I have to be fully safe, but it hasn't felt very safe in a long time. And this whole sleeping with people thing doesn't make it better, but once again my instincts are all out of wack! And I don't sleep at anyone else's place anymore, I just... I don't do that anymore. Welcome to how puberty and maturing work for merpeople, it's a goddamn nightmare... I would take human periods any day, that sounds so much better than this bullshit.

Instead, I get one MONTH AND A HALF of that in the spring because that's how our cycles work, and of course, I get this all year round. Don't get me started on how I'll supposedly behave this year now that I'm nearly a full adult, apparently, it happened for my mother at this time as well so my genes all line up, but usually the month and a half long cycle is just horrid pain right? Well, when you fully mature into adulthood, the pain... shifts to what I deal with all year round... times a hundred. Yeah... I'm locking myself in my room and chaining myself to the wall when that happens, I will not allow it to get the better of me goddammit!

I love being a mermaid... but this stuff is absolute torture.

Enough of worrying about the future and what I'll eventually have to deal with however, the current issue is snoring so loud I can barely hear my own thoughts.